Ambrose Bierce quotes

“A lawyer is the larval stage of a politician.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think we think.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. ”

Ambrose Bierce

“Democracy, n. Four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Lottery, n. A tax on people who are bad at math.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Once, adj. Enough.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”

Ambrose Bierce

“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

Ambrose Bierce

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”

Ambrose Bierce

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Twice, adv. Once too often.”

Ambrose Bierce

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

Ambrose Bierce

“When you doubt, abstain.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.”

Ambrose Bierce

“You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.”

Ambrose Bierce

“You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.”

Ambrose Bierce