Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Who is Ambrose Bierce?

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce was an American short story writer, journalist, poet, and American Civil War veteran in the 19th century.

Bierce's best known works are his book "The Devil's Dictionary" and his story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge".

Born June 24, 1842
Died July 01, 1914

Books by Ambrose Bierce


Best 33 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce | Page 1 of 2

“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

“A lawyer is the larval stage of a politician.”

“Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.”

“Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

“Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

“Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

“Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think we think.”

“Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”

“Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.”

“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. ”

“Democracy, n. Four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.”

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

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“Lottery, n. A tax on people who are bad at math.”

“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

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“In the end there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There just has to be someone who wants to.”


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“Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”

“Once, adj. Enough.”

“Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.”

“Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”

“Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.”

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

“Twice, adv. Once too often.”

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“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

“When you doubt, abstain.”

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“Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better.”


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