Ambrose Bierce Quotes


Best 33 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce – Page 1 of 2

“A lawyer is the larval stage of a politician.”

“Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.”

“Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

“Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

“Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

“Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think we think.”

“Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”

“Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.”

“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. ”

“Democracy, n. Four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.”

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

“Lottery, n. A tax on people who are bad at math.”

“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

“Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

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“Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant – better left unstirred.”

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“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”

“Once, adj. Enough.”

“Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.”

“Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”

“Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.”

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”

“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

“Twice, adv. Once too often.”

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

“When you doubt, abstain.”

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“The road to knighthood is often so steep that one has to crawl on all fours.”

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