Benny Hill quotes

Who the heck is Benny Hill?

Benny Hill was a British slapstick comedian.

Benny Hill quotes

“A nudist from notting hill gate, was pushed into a pond by his mate, a tiddler swam by and said with a sigh "Will you look what they're using for bait.”

Benny Hill

“Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... Now I have a reason.”

Benny Hill

“Did you hear about the actress who was so dumb, she couldn’t count to two without taking off her blouse?”

Benny Hill

“Do unto others, then run.”

Benny Hill

“Don't put off till tomorrow what you could do today because if you do it today and you like it you can do it again tomorrow.”

Benny Hill

“Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.”

Benny Hill

“Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?”

Benny Hill

“I call one of my dogs greyhound on a account he's the grayest. I call another dog happy on account he's the gayest. I call the big dog meanie on a account he's the meanest. And I call the pup Liberace on a account he's the peein'est!.”

Benny Hill

“I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.”

Benny Hill

“I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.”

Benny Hill

“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”

Benny Hill

“Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.”

Benny Hill

“Roses are reddish, violets are bluish. If it weren't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.”

Benny Hill

“She has a black belt in cookery—she can kill you with one chop.”

Benny Hill

“That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.”

Benny Hill

“The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.”

Benny Hill

“The pen is mightier than the sword - It's also easier to write with!”

Benny Hill

“Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.”

Benny Hill

“Why do cemeteries have walls?
It's queer without a doubt.
The people outside don't want to get in.
And the people inside surely can't get out.”

Benny Hill

“Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy? ”

Benny Hill

“You can’t run around laughing all the time.”

Benny Hill

“You only write what you know about.”

Benny Hill