Bill Maher Quotes

Who the Heck is Bill Maher?

American comedian

Born January 20, 1956

Best 18 Quotes by Bill Maher

“Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.”

Bill Maher

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?”

Bill Maher

“Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

Bill Maher

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

Bill Maher

“I think religion is a neurological disorder.”

Bill Maher

“I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.”

Bill Maher

“If it weren't for acid, you might not have an iPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your iPod.”

Bill Maher

“Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.”

Bill Maher

“Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.”

Bill Maher

“That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.”

Bill Maher

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”

Bill Maher

“The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

Bill Maher

“To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.”

Bill Maher

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.”

Bill Maher

"New Rules" Quotes

“New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.”

Bill Maher
New Rules

"True Story" Quotes

“When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.”

Bill Maher
True Story

"When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden" Quotes

“I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it.”

Bill Maher
When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden

“Not doing anything is doing something and choosing to look away is a passive but no less mortal sin.”

Bill Maher
When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden