Bill Maher Quotes

“Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.”

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?”

“Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

“I think religion is a neurological disorder.”

“I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.”

“If it weren't for acid, you might not have an iPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your iPod.”

“Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.”

“Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.”

“That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.”

“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”

“The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

“To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.”

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.”

“New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.”

“When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.”

“The sick thing is that doctors are now going along with this newly invented Orwellian world where there are no good foods or bad foods and you can be healthy at any weight.”

“TikTok is f*cking up kids brains, and no one seems to care or want to do anything about it.”

“I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it.”

“Not doing anything is doing something and choosing to look away is a passive but no less mortal sin.”