Who the hell is Carroll Bryant?

“A sin is nothing more than regret. Not for doing it once, but doing it again when you know you’re going to regret it.”

“Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.”

“Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.”

“Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it's to serve as a bad example.”

“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”

“Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.”

“He who laughs last... just didn't get the joke.”

“I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction.”

“If they're not going to respect you, then they best damn well fear you.”

“If you could sum up your life in one sentence, then you didn’t live much of a life.”

“It's not how many times you fall. And it's not how many times you get back up. It's about how much money you have to pay people to admit that the whole incident didn't even occur to begin with.”

“Know who you are, and be it. Know what you want, and go out and get it!”

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”

“Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.”

“No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it.”

“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”

“Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?”

“The last word of love is... goodbye.”

“The moment you stop trying to become a better person, is the moment you start to become worse than what you already are.”

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is... reluctance.”

“The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.”

“There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place.”

“This isn't your world. It's your parents. Your world is still out there, waiting to be discovered. Always remember that.”

“Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you.”

“When people say they hate life, to what are they comparing it to? The alternative isn't any more appealing.”

“You are the guiding star of someone's existence.”

“You can spend your life judging people or, you can spend it making friends. Take your pick.”

“You cannot prevent a war by starting a war.”