Chris Rock Quotes

Who is Chris Rock?

Christopher Julius Rock is a brilliant American stand-up comedian and actor.

Born February 07, 1965

Books by Chris Rock


Best 74 Quotes by Chris Rock | Page 1 of 3

“A black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!”

Chris Rock

“A bunch of girls say, ‘You don’t need no man to help you raise no child’ … shut the fuck up with the bullshit! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don’t mean it’s to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don’t make it a good fucking idea!”

Chris Rock

“A man is basically as faithful as his options.”

Chris Rock

“A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.”

Chris Rock

“Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.”

Chris Rock

“All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?”

Chris Rock

“Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.”

Chris Rock

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“Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.”

Chris Rock

“Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don’t want to be the old guy in the club.”

Chris Rock

“Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.”

Chris Rock

“Everybody's so busy wanting to be down with the gang. "I'm conservative", "I'm liberal", "I'm conservative". Bullshit! Be a fucking person! Lis-ten! Let it swirl around your head. Then form your opinion. No normal, decent person is one thing, okay? I've got some shit I'm conservative about, I've got some shit I'm liberal about. Crime, I'm conservative. Prostitution, I'm liberal!”

Chris Rock

“Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.”

Chris Rock

“Everything’s funny — in the right context and done by the right person.”

Chris Rock

“Funny is only something that others know about you — you can’t be funny by yourself.”

Chris Rock

Products by Chris Rock

“Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.”

Chris Rock

“Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.”

Chris Rock

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“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself especially when everybody is watching.”


More quotes by Dave Chappelle

“I ain’t shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war’s over, I’ll be the faggot with two legs.”

Chris Rock

“I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.”

Chris Rock

“I had a cop pull me over the other day, scared me so bad, made me think I stole my own car. "Get out of the car, get out of the fucking car! You stole this car!" I was like 'damn, maybe I did!'.”

Chris Rock

“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.”

Chris Rock

“I love music. Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.”

Chris Rock

“I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up.”

Chris Rock

“I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea; changing a belief is trickier.”

Chris Rock

“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’”

Chris Rock

“If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.”

Chris Rock

“If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.”

Chris Rock

“If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!”

Chris Rock

“It's beautiful that abortion is legal in America. I love going to abortion rallies to pick up women, 'cause you know they're fucking. You ain't gonna find a bunch of virgins at the abortion rally. You might even see some clear heels!”

Chris Rock

Products by Chris Rock

“It’s hard for a man to turn down sex… if they chase us, we can’t run that fast.”

Chris Rock

“Listen to people that are smarter than you.”

Chris Rock

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“One of the things that happen when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.”


More quotes by Dave Chappelle