Chris Rock Quotes Page 2

Books by Chris Rock


Best 74 Quotes by Chris Rock | Page 2 of 3

“Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man lie is, ‘I was at Kevin’s house!’ A woman lie is like, ‘It’s your baby!’”

Chris Rock

“Much like rock ‘n’ roll, school shootings were invented by the black man and stolen by the whites.”

Chris Rock

“Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.”

Chris Rock

“No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.”

Chris Rock

“Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.”

Chris Rock

“Oh the abortion issue, it's a woman's issue. When a woman get pregnant, she don't want to hear shit from the man. Fuck you, motherfuck you, I don't need you. Unless she decides to have the baby and she's like, "Where my check?”

Chris Rock

“Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.”

Chris Rock

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“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

Chris Rock

“Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.”

Chris Rock

“Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah’s money, he’d jump out a fucking window and slit his throat on the way down saying, ‘I can’t even put gas in my plane!’”

Chris Rock

“People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That’s just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.”

Chris Rock

“People are starving all over the world, what do you mean, 'Red meat will kill you?' Don't eat no red meat? No, don't eat no green meat. If you lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the shit out of it!”

Chris Rock

“Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.”

Chris Rock

“So you gotta look at OJ's situation. He's paying $25,000 a month in alimony, got another man driving around in his car and fucking his wife in a house he's still paying the mortgage on. Now I'm not saying he should have killed her... but I understand.”

Chris Rock

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“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

Chris Rock

“There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

Chris Rock

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“On TV, the children can watch people murdering each other, which is a very unnatural thing, but they can't watch two people in the very natural process of making love. Now, really, that doesn't make any sense, does it?”


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“There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some spam.”

Chris Rock

“Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.”

Chris Rock

“We got a justice system for rich, for poor, for black, for white. We live in a country where two people can do the exact same crime in the exact same place at the exact same time and get a different sentence.”

Chris Rock

“We got so much food in America we’re allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain’t allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda’s got a fucking lactose intolerance?!”

Chris Rock

“Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.”

Chris Rock

“What's in the tea?
- Water, bitch!”

Chris Rock

“When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy because ‘sacrifice‘ infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”

Chris Rock

“When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.”

Chris Rock

“Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.”

Chris Rock

“Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!”

Chris Rock

“Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!”

Chris Rock

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”

Chris Rock

Products by Chris Rock

“Women don't care, man. If the beat's all right, she will dance all night! I've seen girls on the floor dancing to the nastiest shit ever made. It's like, "Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! … I put a dick in the ear, a dick in the ear! … Fuck her in the eye, fuck her in the eye! … Blind the bitch, blind the bitch!”

Chris Rock

“Women would rule the world – if only they’d stop bitchin’ about each other.”

Chris Rock