Chris Rock Quotes Page 3

“Women would rule the world – if only they’d stop bitchin’ about each other.”

“Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?”

“You are in a competition… Every room you’re in, you’re competing with the people that played that room and you have to be at least as good as the other people that played that room.”

“You can be anything you’re good at.”

“You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.”

“You can only offend me if you mean something to me.”

“You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.”

“You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.”

“You know the only thing you can do to stop your man from cheating? The only thing you can do … is be there. Where? There! Wherever he's thinking about f*cking, that's it. Just be right there. And even then he still might lose your *ss. He's like, "Honey, look! A Sale! Let me go f*ck this b*tch right now!”

“You know the stripper myth? There's a stripper myth, that's being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is, I'm strippin' to pay my tuition. No you're not! There's no strippers in college! There's no clear heels in biology! Shit, man. I didn't know they had a college that only took one-dollar bills. And if they got so many strippers at college, how come I never got a smart lap dance? I never got a girl that sat on my lap and said, If I was you, I would diversify my portfolio. You know, ever since the end of the Cold War, I find NATO obsolete!”

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”

“You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!”

“You know what they say, "There's no reason to ever hit a woman." Shit! There's a reason to hit everybody. You just don't do it. Shit, there's a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don't do it. Ain't nobody above an ass-whooping.”

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullsh*t. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”