Dave Barry Quotes

“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”

“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”

“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.”

“If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. ”

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”

“Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their hands and feet make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.”

“The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.”

“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”

“You should not confuse your career with your life.”

“Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.”