Dean Martin Quotes

“I drink because my body craves, needs alcohol. I don’t drink. My body’s a drunk.”

“I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy.”

“I’d hate to be a teetotaller. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that’s as good as you’re going to feel all day.”

“I’ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are “Hello,” “Goodbye,” and “I’m pregnant.”

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”

“In high school, Frank Sinatra never participated in extra-curricular activities, like nature study, paintings or ceramics. Frank’s hobby was a most interesting one: he was an amateur gynaecologist.”

“It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it I never did hang around to thank her for that.”

“Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America… and that’s why his last wife left him.”

“Last night she was banging on my door for forty-five minutes – but I wouldn’t let her out.”

“Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need… when you have no talent.”

“Phyllis Diller is the women of about whom Picasso once said, “Somebody throw a drop cloth over that.”

“There’s a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.”

“What shall we drink to?
– About four in the morning.”

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”