Dorothy Parker Quotes

“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”

“A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.”

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

“Better be left by twenty dears
Than lie in a love-less bed;
Better a loaf that’s wet with tears,
Than cold, unsalted bread.”

“Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.”

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”

“Ducking for apples – change one letter and it's the story of my life.”

“Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.”

“He and I had an office so tiny, that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.”

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”

“His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.”

“How do people go to sleep? I’m afraid I’ve lost the knack.”

“I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”

“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

“I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.”

“I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself.

If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.”

“I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.”

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be written large on the roster of 'Those Who Do Things'.

I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.”

“I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.”

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of 'The Elements of Style'.

The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”

“It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.”

“It’s easier to write about those you hate—just as it’s easier to criticize a bad play or a bad book.”

“Living well is the best revenge.”

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.”