Dorothy Parker Quotes

Who is Dorothy Parker?

Dorothy Parker was an American poet, writer and satirist. She is known for her witty poems and for the screenplay for 'A Star Is Born' which is made into several movies bearing that title.

Born August 22, 1893
Died June 07, 1967

Books by Dorothy Parker


Best 76 Quotes by Dorothy Parker

“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”

Dorothy Parker

“A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.”

Dorothy Parker

“Better be left by twenty dears
Than lie in a love-less bed;
Better a loaf that’s wet with tears,
Than cold, unsalted bread.”

Dorothy Parker

“Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.”

Dorothy Parker

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”

Dorothy Parker

“Ducking for apples – change one letter and it's the story of my life.”

Dorothy Parker

“Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.”

Dorothy Parker

“He and I had an office so tiny, that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.”

Dorothy Parker

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”

Dorothy Parker

“His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.”

Dorothy Parker

“How do people go to sleep? I’m afraid I’ve lost the knack.”

Dorothy Parker

“I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”

Dorothy Parker

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”

Dorothy Parker

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

Dorothy Parker

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”

Dorothy Parker

“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

Dorothy Parker

“I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.”

Dorothy Parker

“I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.”

Dorothy Parker

“I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.”

Dorothy Parker

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

Dorothy Parker

“I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.”

Dorothy Parker

Products by Dorothy Parker

“I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.”

Dorothy Parker

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

Dorothy Parker

“It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.”

Dorothy Parker

“It’s easier to write about those you hate—just as it’s easier to criticize a bad play or a bad book.”

Dorothy Parker

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.”

Dorothy Parker

“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”

Dorothy Parker

“Never complain, never explain.”

Dorothy Parker

“Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”

Dorothy Parker

“One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”

Dorothy Parker

“She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”

Dorothy Parker

“Should they whisper false of you, never trouble to deny. Should the words they say be true, weep and storm and swear they lie!”

Dorothy Parker

“Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.”

Dorothy Parker

“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”

Dorothy Parker

“Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa.”

Dorothy Parker

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

Dorothy Parker

“The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.”

Dorothy Parker

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

Dorothy Parker

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

Dorothy Parker

“The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.”

Dorothy Parker

“The Swiss are a neat and an industrious people, none of whom is under seventy-five years of age.”

Dorothy Parker

“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed'.”

Dorothy Parker

Products by Dorothy Parker

“Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon.”

Dorothy Parker

“There was nothing separate about her days. Like drops on the window-pane, they ran together and trickled away.”

Dorothy Parker

“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

Dorothy Parker

“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”

Dorothy Parker

“Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”

Dorothy Parker

“Time doth flit; oh shit.”

Dorothy Parker

“What fresh hell is this?”

Dorothy Parker

“When asked if she was going to join Alcoholics Anonymous: “Certainly not. They want me to stop now.”

Dorothy Parker

“Women and elephants never forget.”

Dorothy Parker

“You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.”

Dorothy Parker

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

Dorothy Parker

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

Dorothy Parker

“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”

Dorothy Parker

“Living well is the best revenge.”

Dorothy Parker

“Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.”

Dorothy Parker

"Complete Broadway" Quotes

“If you arrive late, you won't know what anything is about, and if you are there all the way from the beginning, you won't care.”

Dorothy Parker
Complete Broadway

"Dorothy Parker’s epitaph" Quotes

“Excuse my dust.”

Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker’s epitaph

"Enough Rope" Quotes

“If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.”

Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope

“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope

“Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.”

Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope

“Scratch a lover, and find a foe.”

Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope

Products by Dorothy Parker

"On Hollywood mogul Samuel Goldwyn" Quotes

“Out in Hollywood, where the streets are paved with Goldwyn.”

Dorothy Parker
On Hollywood mogul Samuel Goldwyn

"Sunset Gun" Quotes

“And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned.”

Dorothy Parker
Sunset Gun

“They sicken of the calm who know the storm.”

Dorothy Parker
Sunset Gun

"The Algonquin Wits" Quotes

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

Dorothy Parker
The Algonquin Wits

“You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”

Dorothy Parker
The Algonquin Wits

"The Ladies of the Corridor" Quotes

“Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.”

Dorothy Parker
The Ladies of the Corridor

"The Red Hat Society's Laugh Lines" Quotes

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”

Dorothy Parker
The Red Hat Society's Laugh Lines

"While Rome Burns" Quotes

“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”

Dorothy Parker
While Rome Burns

“If all the girls attending the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.”

Dorothy Parker
While Rome Burns

“Katharine Hepburn delivered a striking performance that ran the gamut of emotions, from A to B.”

Dorothy Parker
While Rome Burns

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”

Dorothy Parker
While Rome Burns

"You Might as Well Live" Quotes

“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”

Dorothy Parker
You Might as Well Live

“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”

Dorothy Parker
You Might as Well Live