Dorothy Parker Quotes Page 2

“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”

“Never complain, never explain.”

“Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”

“One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”

“She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”

“Should they whisper false of you, never trouble to deny. Should the words they say be true, weep and storm and swear they lie!”

“Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.”

“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”

“Tell him I was too f*cking busy – or vice versa.”

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

“The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.”

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

“The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.”

“The Swiss are a neat and an industrious people, none of whom is under seventy-five years of age.”

“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed'.”

“Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon.”

“There was nothing separate about her days. Like drops on the window-pane, they ran together and trickled away.”

“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”

“Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”

“Time doth flit; oh shit.”

“What fresh hell is this?”

“When asked if she was going to join Alcoholics Anonymous: “Certainly not. They want me to stop now.”

“Women and elephants never forget.”

“Writing is the art of applying the *ss to the seat.”

“You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.”

“If you arrive late, you won't know what anything is about, and if you are there all the way from the beginning, you won't care.”

“Excuse my dust.”

“If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.”