Esther Perel Quotes

Who is Esther Perel?

Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist who has explored the tension between the need for security and the need for freedom in human relationships.

Born January 01, 1958

Books by Esther Perel


Best 60 Quotes by Esther Perel | Page 1 of 2

“Adultery is often the revenge of the deserted possibilities.”

Esther Perel

“At their peak, affairs rarely lack imagination. Nor do they lack desire, abundance of attention, romance, and playfulness. Shared dreams, affection, passion and endless curiosityーall these are natural ingredients found in the adulterous plot. They are also ingredients of thriving relationships. It is no accident that many of the most erotic couples lift their marital strategies directly from the infidelity playbook.”

Esther Perel

“Behind every criticism is a veiled wish.”

Esther Perel

“Breaking routine and stepping out of what feels comfortable connects you to curiosity and discovery. So, ask yourselves, what is something new you can do together?”

Esther Perel

“Couples may show only a specific side of their life in public — usually, the happy one. You’re seeing only the good moments that someone has chosen to show. What you don’t see: the bickering, the blow-out arguments, or the boring nights spent at home.”

Esther Perel

“Despite living in a time of unprecedented sexual freedom in America, the practice of policing sexuality has continued unabated since the days of the Puritans.”

Esther Perel

“Erotic intelligence is about creating distance, then bringing that space to life.”

Esther Perel

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“Eroticism challenges us to seek a different kind of resolution, to surrender to the unknown and ungraspable, and to breach the confines of the rational world.”

Esther Perel

“Eroticism resides in the ambiguous space between anxiety and fascination.”

Esther Perel

“Eventually, if desire withers, monogamy too easily slides downward into celibacy. When this happens, fidelity becomes a weakness rather than a virtue.”

Esther Perel

“Flirting is about playing with possibility, not going in for the kill.”

Esther Perel

“If you trade passion for stability, you basically trade one fiction for another. Both are products of our imagination.”

Esther Perel

“If you’re too busy for sex, you’re too busy.”

Esther Perel

“In the aftermath of an affair, I often tell a couple: Your first marriage is over. Would you like to create a second one together?”

Esther Perel

Products by Esther Perel

“In uncertainty lies the seed of wanting.”

Esther Perel

“Instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with that entails edits and revisions.”

Esther Perel

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“Present sensitization remains to be cured, whatever the original cause.”

Hope and Help for Your Nerves


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“Instead of looking to the other to meet your needs, if you want to reignite your love life, you must take on the responsibility of your own desire.”

Esther Perel

“Is jealousy an expression of love or a sign of insecurity?”

Esther Perel

“It takes two people to create a pattern, but only one to change it.”

Esther Perel

“Love is a verb. Not a permanent state of enthusiasm.”

Esther Perel

“Love is an exercise in selective perception.”

Esther Perel

“Marriage is imperfect. We start with a desire for oneness, and then we discover our differences. Our fears are aroused by the prospect of all the things we’re never going to have.”

Esther Perel

“Self-confidence and self-acceptance increase with age. Both help us claim our desire and feel entitled to it.”

Esther Perel

“The ‘symptom’ theory goes as follows: An affair simply alerts us to a preexisting condition, either a troubled relationship or a troubled person.”

Esther Perel

“The grand illusion of committed love is that we think our partners are ours. In truth, their separateness is unassailable, and their mystery is forever ungraspable.”

Esther Perel

“The idea of finding the one is problematic for relationships.”

Esther Perel

“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.”

Esther Perel

“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.”

Esther Perel

Products by Esther Perel

“The smaller we feel in the world, the more we need to shine in the eyes of our partner.”

Esther Perel

“There is no greater source of joy and meaning in our lives than our relationships with others.”

Esther Perel

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“As I often tell my students, the two most important phrases in therapy, as in yoga, are 'Notice that' and 'What happens next?' Once you start approaching your body with curiosity rather than with fear, everything shifts.”

The Body Keeps the Score


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