Evan Esar Quotes

“A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.”

“A word to the wise is – unnecessary.”

“Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.”

“After wisdom comes happiness.”

“All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.”

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow”

“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”

“Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”

“Character is what you have left when you lose everything you could lose.”

“Common sense is usually lack of imagination, and imagination is usually lack of common sense.”

“Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.”

“Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”

“Ego: The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment.”

“Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.”

“Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.”

“Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.”

“If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.”

“In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.”

“It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.”

“It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.”

“Let those who want to, arrive
Let those who want to, leave
Let those who want to, stay
Without harm to me or mine”

“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”

“Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.”

“Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.”

“Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either. ”

“Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.”

“The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.”

“The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.”

“The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.”

“The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.”