Who the hell is Evan Esar?

“A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.”

“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”

“Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”

“Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”

“Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.”

“It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.”

“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”

“Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.”

“Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.”

“You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.”