Fran Lebowitz quotes

Who on Earth is Fran Lebowitz?

American Jewish witty author from New York City. She could be considered the female Woody Allen. She has been an atheist since age seven.

Fran Lebowitz quotes

“A book is not supposed to be a mirror. It's supposed to be a door.”

Fran Lebowitz

“All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.”

Fran Lebowitz

“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.”

Fran Lebowitz

“I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.”

Fran Lebowitz

“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”

Fran Lebowitz

“I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?”

Fran Lebowitz

“I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”

Fran Lebowitz

“I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.”

Fran Lebowitz

“I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.”

Fran Lebowitz

“If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?”

Fran Lebowitz

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.”

Fran Lebowitz

“My favorite animal is bacon.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Nothing can be more important than giving children books.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted among them. To put it bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.”

Fran Lebowitz

“People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Polite conversation is rarely either.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Reading is better than life. Without reading, you're stuck with life.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Sleep is death without the responsibility.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.”

Fran Lebowitz

“The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.”

Fran Lebowitz

“There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.”

Fran Lebowitz

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

Fran Lebowitz

“This is not my favorite way to wake up. My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish.”

Fran Lebowitz

“To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.”

Fran Lebowitz

“You're only as good as your last haircut.”

Fran Lebowitz