George Burns Quotes Page 2
Best 90 Quotes by George Burns – Page 2 of 3
“I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.”
“I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.”
“I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.”
“I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.”
“I thought to myself, why not write a bestseller? In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.”
“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.”
“I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.”
“I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.”
“I'd rather be over the hill than under it.”
“I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.”
“I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.”
“I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.”
“If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.”
“If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.”
“If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.”
“If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.”
“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.”
“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
“If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.”
“If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.”
“In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.”
“In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.”
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
“It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.”
“It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”
“It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.”
“Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago...”
“Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple – we don't do anything.
I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it.
When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.”
“Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.”
“My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.”
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“I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.”