George Carlin Quotes Page 2
Best 56 Quotes by George Carlin – Page 2 of 2
“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f*ck.”
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
“It's never just a game when you're winning.”
“Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.”
“Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.”
“Life is tough, then you die.”
“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.”
“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.”
“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”
“Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”
“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
“The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have *ssholes on three sides of you.”
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“I thought about going to NYU film school – that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“The future will soon be a thing of the past.”
“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”
“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
“Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.”
“We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.”
“When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat.”
