Ian Tuhovsky Quotes

“Don't forget too that goals, once met, often require maintenance.”

“Although taking advice from someone else can be useful, we are most likely to change for the better if we work through our problems out ourselves. Being able to talk freely to an understanding listener is one of the most effective ways of achieving this.”

“Poor communicators think that 'listening' is merely the act of waiting for their turn to speak all while mentally composing their response. This is a grave mistake. Listening is so much more – it’s a way of providing someone else the chance to share their thoughts and ideas, to build emotional intimacy, and to show empathy.”

“I’m committed to never listening to anybody when it comes to my own path and happiness.”

“There are only two constant things in this world: change and death.”

“Don’t treat people the way you like to be treated, treat them the way they want to be treated. That’s a big rapport take-away to remember!”

“If you believe that the world is a cruel and insidious place, you will behave like that is the absolute and only truth.”

“Research shows that we laugh more often when we’re in the company of other people rather than when we are alone. Robert Provine says that only 15% of our laughter comes from the amusement of jokes! There is wisdom to that — so many times I barely smiled when reading a joke alone at home, but when I heard the same joke while with a group of people, I cried out loud with unstoppable laughter. It turns out that laughter has an important social function; it’s the way to forge relationships.”

“Suppressed emotions always manage to find their way out eventually.”

“The number one reason difficult people are difficult is because it’s working for them.”

“You should always use a passive voice when having difficult conversations.”

“Every single negative emotion is an arrow sign pointing towards a problem which needs your attention.”

“We are getting richer, but less and less happy. Depression, suicide, relationship breakdowns, loneliness of choice, fear of closeness, addictions - this is the clear evidence we are getting increasingly worse when it comes to dealing with our emotions.”

“You usually don’t react to reality, but to your thoughts about reality!”

“Sometimes even a minor achievement such as lifting a slightly heavier weight at the gym makes me incredibly happy. At the same time, bad news affects me to a far greater extent than it does my partner and friends.”

“Don't let anyone step all over you, but don't hang on to resentment, either. With the practice of mindfulness, you will learn to allow space for your emotions to settle down. Resentment will naturally fade away on its own if your mind is relaxed. So if you find yourself stuck in a loop, thinking again and again about some personal drama, take a mindful break. Don't try to force your mind away from its feelings, or repress any lingering emotions. Allow them to exist as they are — but don't let them hook you, either.”

“Forgiveness is a virtue that will benefit you more than anyone else. Don't get stuck on hurt feelings or hurt pride. That way lies failure and bitterness. Instead, with an attitude of kindness to yourself and others, shake it off and continue on your merry way.”

“Particularly helpful for letting go of bad blood is to try to consider matters from a different perspective. Mindfulness breeds an attitude of self-honesty, which is the courage to look at yourself without the usual stories in which you play the hero or the victim. With this attitude, hold a mirror to yourself and ask yourself: Are you really completely innocent, or do you share at least some of the blame? Also try considering things from the other person's perspective. Whatever they did, how did it make sense to do it from their perspective, in their situation? Put yourself in their shoes, think about the context of their actions, and maybe it will all seem more understandable to you.”

“The difference between success and failure is your own effort.”

“You break a negative feedback loop by giving it a positive input. Instead, it will spin into a positive feedback loop. That creates a kind of snowball effect, which takes on a life of its own. Make a small, incremental change today, and it will gather momentum the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that… until you’re surprised at what you’ve accomplished.”

“All of these things that we have been looking for in other places have been available all along, closer than we thought.”

“Another problem is worrying that we are worried, which is making a problem out of a problem, and then making a problem that we made a problem out of the problem.”

“De-clutter your life by getting rid of unnecessary commitments.”

“Honestly realize and accept the fact that everything is not within your control.”

“If you don’t take things personally, you can’t even complain.”

“If you’re not 100% committed to what you do (even if it’s just your chore which you have to do), then why do anything at all?”

“Stop correcting people all the time, preaching to them and commenting on all the subjects you have no idea about.”

“The problem is that you think that you have to be motivated to do something, instead of just doing it and then having it done. Tip: The willingness to do things comes with action. Don’t wait until you feel like going to the gym and exercising. Start exercising right away and there’s a huge possibility that you’ll feel the desire to continue.”

“Weak people revenge, strong people forgive, intelligent people ignore.”

“When psychotherapists studying the art of achievement analyzed the language and thought patterns of the most successful people, they discovered a very interesting thing. Those people never talked about having to do something – they talked about making certain choices, because even if someone puts a gun to your head, you still do have a choice. It can be a crappy choice, but you have it. In this case you can either do what they tell you to do or you can ignore them.”