Joe Rogan Quotes

Born August 11, 1967

Who the Heck is Joe Rogan?

Joseph James Rogan is an American stand-up comedian, mixed martial arts color commentator, podcast host, and former actor and television host.

Books by Joe Rogan

Best Quotes by Joe Rogan

“100% of all haters in the world are unrealised potential.”

Joe Rogan

“90% of success is just showing up. Get there and start working. You’re not going to feel perfect every day. There’s gotta be those days you push through.”

Joe Rogan

“A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.”

Joe Rogan

“All the time that you spend complaining, you could instead be hustling. You could be chasing your dream. You could be figuring out what you’re doing wrong and improving your life.”

Joe Rogan

“Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It’s a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box… but in an actual physical fight against someone who’s just a wrestler, you’re going to get killed.”

Joe Rogan

“Are you just paying the bills?”

Joe Rogan

“Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.”

Joe Rogan

“Bad breaks are an opportunity for you to reboot, to reassess, get better, figure out another way through your challenges. The people that look at those challenges and say ‘Well why do I have those challenges?’ – They’re cancer. They are dangerous people to be around. They will rob you of your enthusiasm and won’t give you any fuel.”

Joe Rogan

“Be cool to people. Be nice to as many people as you can. Smile to as many people as you can, and have them smile back at you.”

Joe Rogan

“Be the hero of your own story.”

Joe Rogan

“Being a celebrity or anything else where you’re really ambitious, it’s really a game to see how successful you can get.”

Joe Rogan

“Build confidence and momentum with each food decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.”

Joe Rogan

“By putting yourself in that intense form of stress, it makes regular life more peaceful.”

Joe Rogan

“Choose to be inspired.”

Joe Rogan

“Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.”

Joe Rogan

“Discomfort is your friend. It doesn’t matter if you’re sick, if you have kids… if you’re a pro, you go to work.”

Joe Rogan

“Do things that are difficult. It’s very important to struggle. You don’t get to know yourself without struggle. You don’t know who you are until you get tested.”

Joe Rogan

“Don’t waste your time.”

Joe Rogan

“Dudes who buy white underwear… Stop it!”

Joe Rogan

“Elevate each other and grow stronger.”

Joe Rogan

“Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.”

Joe Rogan

“Everybody has bad breaks. I had a ton of bad breaks. But you know what I did? I stayed up. I fought through it. I figured out what I did wrong and I moved forward.”

Joe Rogan

“Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.”

Joe Rogan

“Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith – and that nothing has to be proven.”

Joe Rogan

“For many people the reason why they're idiots is not necessarily that their brain doesn't work well, it's that they got in a terrible pattern.”

Joe Rogan

“Fuel people are the ones out there hustling and always getting things done. My friend Jocko works out at 4:30 in the morning every day. Why? Because he doesn’t want to. That’s how you do it. You go and get after it and don’t make any excuses.”

Joe Rogan

“Fuel yourself with the screw ups.”

Joe Rogan

“Get better at whatever you’re doing. So what if you suck at it now? Everybody sucks at everything when they start. But if you love it, and don’t lie to yourself, then get better at it.”

Joe Rogan

“Greatness and madness are next door neighbors and they often borrow each other’s sugar.”

Joe Rogan

“Haters are all failures. It’s 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.”

Joe Rogan

“Have you ever talked to someone, and you’re not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.”

Joe Rogan

“Here’s the craziest thing about life, this is the thing that nobody really considers; you know as much about what life is all about as anybody who’s ever lived, ever. That’s the craziest thing about us. We’re all just kinda wandering through this going “‘You know what you’re doing?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Oh, I do too. I know what I’m doing.’ ‘Okay. Good, then.’” But really no one has a clue.”

Joe Rogan

“Human beings are a resource.”

Joe Rogan

“I am not homophobic; I am cock-conscious.”

Joe Rogan

“I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.”

Joe Rogan

“I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the shit out of you.”

Joe Rogan

“I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.”

Joe Rogan

“I love a success story, but even more than a success story; I like a dude who fucks his life up and gets his life together again story.”

Joe Rogan

“I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.”

Joe Rogan

“I personally think confession was just someone's idea of a sick joke. One dude came up with it, then he died, and he forgot to tell everyone he was only fuckin' around. Think about the idea of confession...You take a guy who's not allowed to masturbate, or have sex, ever, then you make him wear a costume, then he has to sit in a dark booth, and listen to fuck stories whispered through a hole in the wall!”

Joe Rogan

“I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you. That can be an awesome and motivating force that can improve your life if you choose to be inspired and not jealous. One has no benefit whatsoever, the other is an incredible resource for creating momentum and improvement.”

Joe Rogan

“I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.”

Joe Rogan

“I see martial art as moving forms of meditation. When you’re sparring or drilling techniques, you can’t think of anything else.”

Joe Rogan

“I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.”

Joe Rogan

“I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them – the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.”

Joe Rogan

“I want to make sure that everything that I’m creating, I’m creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that’s the reward that you get for that.”

Joe Rogan

“I was raised Catholic. That's why I don't take religion too seriously.”

Joe Rogan

“I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.”

Joe Rogan

“I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.”

Joe Rogan

“I’m obsessed to extreme winners because I think there’s a madness to it. I truly believe that in order to truly be great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.”

Joe Rogan

“I’ve been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there’s ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that’s a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around.”

Joe Rogan

“If I were a gay man, I'd be into me.”

Joe Rogan

“If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever”

Joe Rogan

“If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.”

Joe Rogan

“If things aren’t going the way you want them to go, then do something about it. Quit talking about your problems and go out and do something to fix them.”

Joe Rogan

“If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?”

Joe Rogan

“If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.”

Joe Rogan

“If you can control what you eat, you can control all other aspects of your life.”

Joe Rogan

“If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.”

Joe Rogan

“If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.”

Joe Rogan

“In all my travelings, all my life adventures; I have to say I still don’t know what life is, absolutely no clue, and it is a subject that is constantly on my mind. One thing I do know for a fact is that the nicer we are to our fellow human beings, the nicer the universe is to us.”

Joe Rogan

“It's 2006 and pot is still controversial. That's hilarious. Pot's still illegal and no one has a jet pack. What the fuck is going on?! Isn't this Silicon Valley? Where's the jet packs, bitch?! I just wanna go up to everyone making cell phones and say, "Hey, that's small enough. Stop right there. Just keep them working." 72 inch TV? That's plenty big, dude. Just keep them working. No, you'll never get pot and you'll never get a jet pack. And you'll certainly never get the two of them at the same time. Civilization would fucking crumble. Be honest, would you work? 'Cuz I wouldn't work. Who the fuck is gonna show up for work at the mortgage company when you can smoke pot and fly?!”

Joe Rogan

“It's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.”

Joe Rogan
On stand-up comedy

“It's hard to beat-off to girls you fucked a decade ago. Think about that.”

Joe Rogan

“It’s been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.”

Joe Rogan

“It’s very important to help people figure out how to manage life, to help people figure out how to think, help inspire them, help show them what can be gained from setting goals and achieving them and that excellent feeling – and that becomes contagious.”

Joe Rogan

“It’s very possible that everybody is exactly the same at the core.”

Joe Rogan

“Jiu-Jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I’ve ever had in my life.”

Joe Rogan

“Just because I'm staring deep into your birth canal does not mean that I'm fucked up. It means you should have paid more attention in high school and I have a dollar. I have four quarters and you have a bad job. Don't get pissed at me because you didn't learn how to type, you no-back-up-plan-having pain in the ass.”

Joe Rogan
Response to a stripper

“Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow… We know that inherently that feels great.”

Joe Rogan

“Ladies, please listen to me, don't you ever take relationship advice from a guy you don't wanna fuck, okay? Because let me tell you something: if you don't wanna fuck him, chances are a lot of other girls don't wanna fuck him either; and that guy is gonna say whatever he needs to to make you happy... He says crazy shit. He told this one man that masturbating is just as bad as cheating on his wife. I fucking shit you not! If I had a gun in my hand I woulda Elvis'd that TV.”

Joe Rogan
On Dr. Phil

“Life is about the pursuit of excellence. That pursuit is probably more exciting to me now more than ever.”

Joe Rogan

“Life is strange. You keep moving and keep moving. Before you know it, you look back and think, ‘What was that?’”

Joe Rogan

“Live your life like there is a documentary crew following you around and you are analysing your own behavior.”

Joe Rogan

“Live your life like you’re the hero in your own movie.”

Joe Rogan

“Martial art is a vehicle for developing your human potential.”

Joe Rogan

“Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.”

Joe Rogan

“My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they’re my best friends.”

Joe Rogan
On stand-up comedy

“Nature is everything, okay? We don't like to think that our society is nature, because we created it. But guess what? This is no different than a fuckin' beehive; it's just more complicated, cuz people are smarter than bees. Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere... You know what's not natural? You...in the middle of the mountains...in the middle of the winter.”

Joe Rogan

“Never stay in a bad marriage, and don’t hang around with psycho coke fiends.”

Joe Rogan

“No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.”

Joe Rogan

“No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We’re designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.”

Joe Rogan

“Not knowing the truth doesn’t make you ignorant. Not wanting to know the truth is what makes you ignorant.”

Joe Rogan

“Once you understand what excellence is all about… you see how excellence manifests itself in any discipline.”

Joe Rogan

“One of the most fascinating lessons I’ve absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.”

Joe Rogan

“One of the things that happened is I did a lot of shitty gigs. When you do a bunch of shitty bar gigs you have to get used to people yelling at you, you’re used to thinking on the fly, to dealing with weird situations.”

Joe Rogan
On stand-up comedy

“People are scared man, they're scared of the void.”

Joe Rogan

“People can still make money and still find success while doing it ethically.”

Joe Rogan

“People for the most part can smell lies.”

Joe Rogan

“People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.”

Joe Rogan
On AndyWarhol's '15 minutes of fame' quote

“Peter Joseph is asking the questions and proposing the possible solutions that we should be demanding from the elected leaders of this crazy world. His brilliant analysis of this ridiculous system we're operating under is one of the most important voices for change in this generation.”

Joe Rogan

“Pretend that your life was a movie and it started now, what would the hero do? What would the person that you respect do? What would the person that you admire, and inspires you do? Do that.”

Joe Rogan

“Reality really is a theatre. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.”

Joe Rogan

“Resistance is the key battle that you’re going to fight for the rest of your life, but the key to overcoming that resistance is to fight it. Every day you do so, you have won the battle for that day.”

Joe Rogan

“Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that’s why everybody loved him so much.”

Joe Rogan

“Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn't understand you and doesn't want to understand you... There's no natural behaviour. Everyone is wearing clothes they don't want to wear. Everybody is showing up and doing something they don't want to do. They have no connection to it. That's the problem with our society...”

Joe Rogan

“So instead of investing your time in a passion, you’ve sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn’t understand you. That’s the problem with our society. And what’s the reward? Go home and get a big TV.”

Joe Rogan

“Some people don't believe in aliens. I do believe in aliens. But I believe they gave up on people a long time ago. Wouldn't you? I think there's a few liberal aliens out there, still hangin' in,
"Hey, man, I think they're gonna pull it together. I think we should help them; give them more technology."
"No! Every time we do that they blow shit up! Noooo".”

Joe Rogan

“Someone else’s success does not equal a failure for you.”

Joe Rogan

“Spread positive energy.”

Joe Rogan

“Surround yourself with like-minded people.”

Joe Rogan

“Teaching someone that doesn't know something forces you to think about almost every single aspect of it, including parts of it that you could sort of take for granted.”

Joe Rogan

“That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.”

Joe Rogan

“The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.”

Joe Rogan
On stand-up comedy

“The balance to life is kale shakes and cupcakes.”

Joe Rogan

“The best way to pursue any discipline is the martial art way.”

Joe Rogan

“The brain is the general and the troops are the body.”

Joe Rogan

“The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.”

Joe Rogan
On stand-up comedy

“The key to happiness doesn’t lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel and the way they make us feel.”

Joe Rogan

“The misconception is that stand-up comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.”

Joe Rogan

“The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. The first car ever made ran on hemp oil. Hemp seeds are also the healthiest food on the planet with the highest protein content out of any plant.”

Joe Rogan

“The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.”

Joe Rogan

“The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don’t work out.”

Joe Rogan

“The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.”

Joe Rogan

“The quicker we all realize that we’ve been taught how to live life by the people that were operating on the momentum of an ignorant past the quicker we can move to a global ethic of community that doesn’t value invented borders or the monopolization of natural resources, but rather the goal of a happier more loving humanity.”

Joe Rogan

“The sensory deprivation chamber is the most important tool I’ve ever used for developing my mind, for thinking, for evolving.”

Joe Rogan

“The time you spend hating on someone robs you of your own time. You are literally hating on yourself and you don’t even realize it.”

Joe Rogan

“The universe rewards calculated risk and passion.”

Joe Rogan

“The worst choice that a man can make is to become comfortable.”

Joe Rogan

“There really are no grown-ups, just kids that got old and had kids of their own.”

Joe Rogan

“There's a very famous Miyamoto Musashi quote. "Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things." The idea is once you understand what excellence is all about, whether it's in painting, or carpentry or martial arts, that you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline. I think that all the different things that I do enhance all the other things that I do.”

Joe Rogan

“There's only two reasons that you hate gay marriage;
1. You're dumb, or
2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.”

Joe Rogan

“There’s a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it’s boxing or wrestling, or whatever.”

Joe Rogan

“There’s a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results in the physical form.”

Joe Rogan

“There’s a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.”

Joe Rogan

“There’s only one way to get good at anything; you surround yourself with the bad motherfuckers who are doing exactly what you want to do and you force yourself to keep up and inspire each other.”

Joe Rogan

“This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.”

Joe Rogan
On the United States of America

“To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don’t really worry that much about what other people think of me.”

Joe Rogan

“To really appreciate life, you got to know you’re going to die.”

Joe Rogan

“Treat everyone as if they were you. If we really are one, then I am you and you are me.”

Joe Rogan

“Very few people actually look up at night and go wow, that literally is infinite. We are floating in infinity. It is easier to see infinity than it is to see the ground. I have more view of the infinity.”

Joe Rogan

“We are not smart! We buy shit from smart people!”

Joe Rogan

“We define ourselves far too often by our past failures. That’s not you. You are this person right now. You’re the person who has learned from those failures.”

Joe Rogan

“We define ourselves far too often by our past failures. That’s not you. You are this person right now. You’re the person who has learned from those failures.”

Joe Rogan

“We have comic book bad guys. Osama Bin Laden is right out of a fucking comic book. Think about it: He's a billionaire genius... who hates us! He lives in a cave. He used to work for the good guys and got all their secrets, and then he switched over to the dark side. And every time they almost capture him, he mysteriously gets away, and leaves behind a threatening tape. What is this, a fuckin' Stan Lee production?”

Joe Rogan

“We live in a hard world ladies and gentlemen, okay? And you can't run it on lentils.”

Joe Rogan

“We’re constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We’re finding it where we didn’t think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We’re finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we’re having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what’s possible on this planet alone.”

Joe Rogan

“What’s interesting about science is that we’re constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It’s amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being – without a doubt.”

Joe Rogan

“When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.”

Joe Rogan

“When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.”

Joe Rogan

“When you snatch little pieces of other people’s lives and try to palm them off as your own, that’s more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.”

Joe Rogan

“Work for that feeling that you have accomplished something… Don’t waste your time on this earth without making a mark.”

Joe Rogan

“Work hard.”

Joe Rogan

“Write down things you want to improve. Write down things you won’t tolerate from yourself. Write down things you never want to see yourself do again.”

Joe Rogan

“Write down your goals and get stuff done.”

Joe Rogan

“You are one miniscule piece of a never-ending cycle. In fact, you're not even a piece. You're just a holder for billions and billions of other pieces. Whether that's organic components, living organisms inside your body, bacteria or whatever it is, you're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.”

Joe Rogan

“You can’t measure what’s inside a man’s heart.”

Joe Rogan

“You're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.”

Joe Rogan

“You’re sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That’s all you know. But we don’t have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we’re all communicating with each other all across the board, so you’re getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.”

Joe Rogan

“Your attitude has a giant effect not just on your life, but on other peoples lives around you.”

Joe Rogan

“Your frontal cortex isn’t even developed yet.”

Joe Rogan