Joey Diaz Quotes



Best 24 Quotes by Joey Diaz

“Hey, I'm not rich, but I'm lucky. I get to do what I want to do. That's not an easy thing to do in this country.”

“I don’t have to carry my own suitcase. I can make a living as an author.”

“I just showed up at the Comedy Store. You keep showing up, and you keep showing up, and eventually, somebody notices.”

“I like people with a little bit of edge to them. They gotta do something.”

“I lived in my car in Hollywood for a year, and then it got towed. My apartment got towed. How does that happen?”

“I remember looking at the year 2000 like something I was never going to hit.”

“I tell ya, you can walk out on your feet or crawl out on your knees, ya follow me?”

“I think I was always doomed to be involved in some type of comedy because I was an only child, so I learned early on to justify everything in my head with comedy.”

“I thought I would be an extra one time in a movie. And I would have been happy with that.”

“I want to write a book on addictions, just to let people know the horrible things I did and the horrible situations I’ve put myself in.”

“I want to write stories for my daughter.”

“I was just coming out of prison, I was married, and I had a kid, and I didn't know what to do, so I tried stand-up.”

“I'm a stand-up comic, but I also have ideas, and I want to get them out. People think getting in front of the mic is the only way to work out. You've got to try different situations.”

“I’m Hispanic. I’m a Catholic. I believe in God. I believe in karma.”

“I’m so high right now, if I went into a church I’d mug the preacher for a wafer.”

“If I see an audition for a show or a movie, I'll send a tape in. I attack it. The whole time, I'm booking comedy, so no matter what, I always got that coming in. I'm always working on my craft.”

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“The way I see it, the earth is going to be here after we're dead and gone. Even if it's a polluted planet, and they messed it up. Where do they go from here – to another planet so they can mess that up too?”


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“If you go on Wikipedia and look at all the people from Jersey, your jaw will f*ckin’ drop.”

“If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance.”

“Jersey has the most people per capita. It’s amazing, everybody wants to live in New Jersey.”

“People die millionaires. All your life, you're gonna stress money?”

“When something happens and you add comedy to it, it makes it okay.”

“While you’re waiting to do anything, all of your insecurities come up.”

“You gotta see the devil before you can be your own god.”

“You have to justify your existence everyday to the universe.”

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“Only those who went hungry with me and stood by me when I went through a bad time at some point in life will eat at my table.”


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