John Gottman Quotes

“Alice in Wonderland doesn’t look back and doesn’t question the adventure she’s chosen. That’s commitment.”

“Create a plan together to minimize hurt feelings and avoid an incident in the future.”

“Great relationships — the masters — are built on respect, empathy, and a profound understanding of each other. Relationships don’t last without talk, even for the strong and silent type.”

“Happily ever after simply means that both partners are known, valued, accepted for who they are and who they are becoming. The goal is to be able to love your partner more deeply each and every year you’re together.”

“If my wife is in pain, my world stops so I can listen to her. In a committed relationship, you will both stop the world to try to understand and ease each other’s pain. This is partly why we get married, and this is partly why we love. We need each other and we need to be needed by each other. True commitment is choosing each other over and over again,”

“Make dedicated, nonnegotiable time for each other a priority, and never stop being curious about your partner. Don’t assume you know who they are today, just because you went to bed with them the night before. In short, never stop asking questions. But ask the right kind of questions.”

“Most couples don’t get any training in relationships, and often they don’t learn how to communicate with each other until they go to therapy, and that’s often too late.”

“Of all the people in the world, what led you to decide that this was the person you wanted to marry (or commit to)? Was it an easy decision or a difficult decision? What was it like to fall in love?”

“Our partners don’t always have to think like we think. That’s what makes life interesting — it would be boring to be married to yourself. In fact, that’s called being single.”

“Perfection is not the price of love. Practice is. We practice how to express our love and how to receive our partner’s love. Love is an action even more than a feeling. It requires intention and attention, a practice we call attunement.”

“Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.”

“Taking responsibility — even for a small part of the problem in communication — presents the opportunity for great repair.”

“The early part of a relationship, besides the fun and infatuation, is about establishing trust and a shared future.”

“You can spend a lifetime being curious about the inner world of your partner, and being brave enough to share your own inner world, and never be done discovering all there is to know about each other. It’s exciting.”