John Gottman Quotes
Best 12 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Quotes by John Gottman
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Quotes
“Active listening asks couples to perform Olympic-level emotional gymnastics even if their relationship can barely walk.”
“Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.”
“Human nature dictates that it is virtually impossible to accept advice from someone unless you feel that that person understands you.”
“I’ve found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history are likely to have a happy future as well. When happy memories are distorted, it’s a sign that the marriage needs help.”
“In the Broadway play 'In Defense of the Cave Man', a man says that when he was first married, he saw his wife cleaning the bathroom and asked her, 'Are we moving?'
In his bachelor days that was the only time he and his roommates bothered to clean the bathroom.”
“In the midst of a bitter dispute, the husband or wife picks up a ringing telephone and is suddenly all smiles: 'Oh, hi. Yes, it would be great to have lunch. No problem, Tuesday would be fine. Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you didn’t get the job. You must feel so disappointed.', and so on.”
“Once you understand this, you will be ready to accept one of the most surprising truths about marriage: Most marital arguments cannot be resolved.
Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind — but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.”
“Some people leave a marriage literally, by divorcing. Others do so by leading parallel lives together.”
“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s 'crazy' side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.”
“The problem is that therapy that focuses solely on active listening and conflict resolution doesn’t work. A Munich-based marital therapy study conducted by Kurt Hahlweg and associates found that even after employing active-listening techniques the typical couple was still distressed. Those few couples who did benefit relapsed within a year.”
“Women find a man’s willingness to do housework extremely erotic.”
“Working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club.”
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“A high-value woman is attractive and appealing, she has a comforting character, she's discerning and disciplined, she's enthusiastic and exuberant, she's loyal and liberated. That's the definition of a high-value woman.”
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John Gottman Sources
- All quotes by John Gottman (57 quotes)
- And Baby Makes Three (3 quotes)
- Eight Dates (14 quotes)
- Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child (5 quotes)
- The Science of Trust (12 quotes)
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (12 quotes)
- Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1 quote)
- Other quotes by John Gottman (10 quotes)