John Gray Quotes

“A man unknowingly hurts his partner by speaking in an uncaring manner and then goes on to explain why she should not be upset. He mistakenly assumes she is resisting the content of his point of view, when really his unloving delivery is what upsets her.

Because he does not understand her reaction, he focuses more on explaining the merit of what he is saying instead of correcting the way he is saying it. He has no idea that he is starting an argument; he thinks she is arguing with him.

He defends his point of view while she defends herself from his sharpened expressions, which are hurtful to her.”

“A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. He compensates for this fear by focusing on increasing his power and competence.

Success, achievement, and efficiency are foremost in his life... A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid.”

“A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.”

“A woman feels supported and backed if the man believes in her feelings, and the man feels cared for and cared for if the woman agrees with her thoughts.”

“A woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.”

“A woman's sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.”

“A women under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.”

“After learning, please be realistic. Give yourself a permission to keep making mistakes.

We must also give ourselves the gift of understanding that we can’t remember everything we learned at once.”

“After the Martians learned how to listen and made the most amazing discovery, they began to realize that listening to a Venus talking about problems could really help them get out of their caves, like when watching a game on TV or reading a newspaper.”

“All men and women have an equal need for love. When these needs are not fulfilled it is easy to have our feelings hurt, for which we blame our partner.”

“As a man matures he also learns that he may be giving up himself, but his major change is becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving.

Likewise, as a woman matures she also learns new strategies for giving, but her major change tends to be learning to set limits in order to receive what she wants.”

“Because she is afraid of not being supported, she unknowingly pushes away the support she needs.”

“Fortunately perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships.”

“Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to help a man, she has no idea of how critical and unloving he may sound to him.”

“Get the love you deserve and give your partner the love and support he deserves.”

“If we are to feel the positive feelings of love, happiness, trust, and gratitude, we periodically also have to feel anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow.”

“It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.”

“Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems.”

“Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.”

“Love brings up our unresolved feelings. One day we are feeling loved, and the next day we are suddenly afraid to trust love.

The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner's love.”

“Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.”

“Martians have a win/lose philosophy — I want to win, and I don’t care if you lose. As long as each Martian took care of himself this formula worked fine. It worked for centuries, but now it needed to be changed.

Giving primarily to themselves was no longer as satisfying. Being in love, they wanted the Venusians to win as much as themselves. In most sports today we can see an extension of this Martian competitive code.

For example, in tennis I not only want to win but also try to make my friend lose by making it difficult for him to return my shots. I enjoy winning even though my friend loses. Most of these Martian attitudes have a place in life, but this win/lose attitude becomes harmful in our adult relationships.

If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.”

“Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.”

“Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.”

“Men go to their caves. Women talk.”

“Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do.”

“Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard, and gradually she will feel better on her own.”

“Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.”

“Mental chemistry creates interest, emotional chemistry generates affection, physical chemistry generates desire, and spiritual chemistry creates love.

A soulmate includes all four... and I will not settle for anything less!”

“Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently.”