John Waters Quotes


Best 57 Quotes by John Waters – Page 1 of 2

“A psychiatrist once told me early in treatment, 'Stop trying to make me like you', and what a sobering and welcome smack in the face that statement was.

Yet somehow, every day of my life is still a campaign for popularity, or better yet, a crowded funeral.”

“Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked man who's nailed to a cross? It's like a bad leather bar.”

“Collect books, even if you don't plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library.”

“Contemporary art hates you.”

“Don’t sleep with people who don’t read!”

“I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don’t send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity.

If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.”

“I always wanted to be a juvenile delinquent but my parents wouldn't let me.”

“I could never kill myself. I approve of suicide if you have horrible health. Otherwise it's the ultimate hissy fit.”

“I don't mind exercise but it's a private activity. Joggers should run in a wheel – like hamsters – because I don't want to look at them.

And I really hate people who go on an airplane in jogging outfits. That's a major offense today, even bigger than Spandex bicycle pants. You see eighty-year-old women coming on the plane in jogging outfits for comfort.

Well my comfort – my mental comfort – is completely ruined when I see them coming. You're on an airplane, not in your bedroom, so please!

And I really hate walkathons: blocking traffic, people patting themselves on the back. The whole attitude offends me. They have this smug look on their faces as they hold you up in traffic so that they can give two cents to some charity.”

“I respect everything I make fun of.”

“I'm rich! I don't mean money-wise. I mean that I have figured out how to never be around *ssholes at any time in my personal and professional life.

That's rich. And not being around *ssholes should be the goal of every graduate here today.”

“If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't f*ck 'em!”

“It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.”

“I`d love to sell out completely. It`s just that nobody has been willing to buy.”

“Life is nothing if you're not obsessed.”

“My favourite characters are people who think they’re normal but they’re not. I live in Baltimore, and it’s full of people like that. I’ve also lived in New York, which is full of people who think they’re crazy, but they’re completely normal.

I get my best material in Baltimore – you get dialogue that you just couldn’t imagine. I asked this guy in a bar what he did for a living and he said he traded deer meat for crack. I never realised that job even existed. You could make a whole movie about that person.

And he was kind of cute too, if you could ignore his eyes rolling around his head. Although I did crack once, accidentally, and I thought: Oh my God, what, am I gonna rob my parents now? I prefer poppers – they’re legal in London, right? I used to do them on roller coasters. They’re illegal in Provincetown, which is the gay fishing village where I live in the summer. In the airport there are signs warning you to get rid of your poppers.”

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“A person's sexuality is so much more than one word "gay." No one refers to anyone as just "hetero" because that doesn't say anything. Sexual identity is broader than a label.”

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“My hobby is extreme Catholic behavior – before the Reformation.”

“My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you're never around *ssholes. That's the two things to really fight for in life.”

“Sometimes I wish I was a woman, just so I could have an abortion.”

“To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about. If someone vomits watching one of my films, it's like getting a standing ovation. But one must remember that there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste.

It's easy to disgust someone; I could make a ninety-minute film of people getting their limbs hacked off, but this would only be bad bad taste and not very stylish or original.

To understand bad taste one must have very good taste. Good bad taste can be creatively nauseating but must, at the same time, appeal to the especially twisted sense of humor, which is anything but universal.”

“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't f*ck them.”

“What I like best is staying home and reading. Being rich is not about how many homes you own. It’s the freedom to pick up any book you want without looking at the price and wondering whether you can afford it.”

“Who's to blame when your kid goes nuts? Is it a blessing to not have children?

'We Need to Talk About Kevin' became a hit cult book for women without offspring who were finally able to admit they didn't want to give birth. They felt complete, thank you very much, and lived in silent resentment for years at other women's pious, unwanted sympathy toward them for not having babies.

With even gay couples having children these days, aren't happy heterosexual women who don't want to have kids the most ostracized of us all? To me they are beautiful feminists. If you're not sure you could love your children, please don't have them, because they might grow up and kill us.”

“Without obsession, life is nothing.”

“You have to remember that it is impossible to commit a crime while reading a book.”

Carsick Quotes

“My abortion politics are simple. If you can’t love your child, don’t have it, because it will grow up and kill me.”


Crackpot Quotes

“I'm perpetual tourist, and that's the best way to travel. Nobody gets used to you, you make new friends without having to hear anyone's everyday problems, and you jet back still feeling like a know-it-all.”


“I've had it with being nice, understanding, fair and hopeful. I feel like being negative all day.

The chip on my shoulder could sink the QE2. I've got an attitude problem and nobody better get in my way... I'm in a bad mood and the whole stupid little world is gonna pay!”


“I’m so lucky to be having a happy childhood as an adult.”


“Not wanting anyone to pop my bubble by speaking to me, I immediately began reading 'Lesbian Nuns', and that did the trick. No one attempted small talk.”


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“You’re supposed to expand your mind to fit the art, you’re not supposed to chop the art down to fit your mind.”

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