Karl Pilkington Quotes

“A dog has got human eyes.”

“Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain?”

“Happiness is like a cake. Have too much and you'll get sick of it.”

“I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go "Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book.”

“I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.”

“Jellyfish are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.”

“I always have a problem liking things that I'm told I should like. This has been the problem with most of the Wonders I have seen so far. The fact that this one is called the 'Great' Wall of China annoys me. I'll decide if it's great or not. It might end up being the 'All Right Wall of China' to me.”

“The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.”

“A life without death would be like a day without sleep.”

“Honestly, all the trouble Noah went to saving the animals two by two and now we’re making handbags out of them.”

“I sometimes wear headphones even though I’m not listening to anything just so I’m left alone. It’s the next best thing to wearing a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.”

“Kids are like farts in that way. They never seem to bother the owner as much as they bother everyone else.”

“They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's not to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”