Lenny Bruce Quotes

Who on Earth is Lenny Bruce?

Lenny Bruce is the stage name of American stand up comedian Leonard Alfred Schneider.

Bruce was a close friend of fellow comedians Joe Ancis and Rodney Dangerfield.

Born October 13, 1925
Died August 03, 1966

Books by Lenny Bruce


Best 25 Quotes by Lenny Bruce

“Communism is like one big phone company.”

Lenny Bruce

“Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.”

Lenny Bruce

“I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.”

Lenny Bruce

“I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.”

Lenny Bruce

“I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without special pleading. The reason I don't smoke it is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations-and I've got enough shit flying through my head without smoking pot.”

Lenny Bruce
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

“I was not born in a vacuum. Every thought I have belongs to someone else.”

Lenny Bruce

“If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.”

Lenny Bruce

“If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.”

Lenny Bruce

“If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.”

Lenny Bruce

“In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.”

Lenny Bruce

“Liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.”

Lenny Bruce

“Life is a four-letter word.”

Lenny Bruce

“Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will some day become Congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.”

Lenny Bruce
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”

Lenny Bruce

“Now, if the bedroom is dirty to you, then you are a true atheist, because if you have any of the mores, superstitions, if anyone in this audience believes that God made his body, and you body is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer. It's that cold, Jim, yeah.”

Lenny Bruce
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

“Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.”

Lenny Bruce

“Take away the right to say ‘fuck’ and you take away the right to say ‘fuck the government'.”

Lenny Bruce

“The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.”

Lenny Bruce

“The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.”

Lenny Bruce

“The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it. Try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.”

Lenny Bruce

“The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.”

Lenny Bruce

“There are never enough 'I love you's'.”

Lenny Bruce

“There is nothing sadder than an aging hipster.”

Lenny Bruce

“There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.”

Lenny Bruce
How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

“When you're eight years old nothing is your business.”

Lenny Bruce