Lily Tomlin Quotes

Best 29 Quotes by Lily Tomlin

“After all, in private, we're all misfits.”

“Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?”

“Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”

“Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.”

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

“Growing up in Michigan was fine... until I realized where I was.”

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

“I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”

“I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.”

“I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

“If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed!”

“Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.”

“Just remember, we're all in this alone.”

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

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“It's always something.”

More quotes by Gilda Radner

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then—we elected them. ”

“No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.”

“Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”

“Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”

“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”

“The best mind altering drug is the truth.”

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

“To me, sexual freedom means freedom from having to have sex.”

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for mast*rbation.”

“Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?”

Becoming Myself Quotes

“Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

Becoming Myself

Many moons Quotes

“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”

Many moons

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“I had been pregnant in the sixties, and at nineteen years old had had an illegal abortion that probably influenced the messy state of my reproductive organs. For the next nineteen years my priority was to finish my education and pursue my career.

Now I couldn’t take my fate: You’ll never have a baby. That was the sentence handed to me. I began to beat my fists against a door that maybe I had locked on the other side.”

More quotes by Gilda Radner