Mark Manson Quotes

“Acts of love are valid only if they're performed without conditions or expectations.”

“As a rule, people who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they think about themselves being reflected back at them.”

“Commitment gives you freedom because you're no longer distracted by the unimportant and frivolous.”

“Parenthood is basically just following around a kid for a couple decades and making sure he doesn’t accidentally kill himself.”

“Self-awareness is like an onion. There are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you're going to start crying at inappropriate time.”

“The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice—whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad. What we gain is also what we lose. What creates our positive experiences will define our negative experiences.”

“The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all. It’s anti-entitlement. People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great – they are mediocre, they are average – and that they could be so much better.”

“There’s a saying in Texas: “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel a need to convince anybody that she’s rich.”

“What most people don't understand is that passion is the result of action, not the cause of it.”

“You can’t build a better mind without challenging your own beliefs and assumptions.”

“As intelligence increases, so does the intensity of suffering.”

“Because pain is the universal constant of life, the opportunities to grow from that pain are constant in life. All that is required is that we don't numb it, that we don't look away. All that is required is that we engage it and find the value and meaning in it.”

“Democracy can exist only when you are willing to tolerate views that oppose your own, when you’re willing to give up some things you might want for the sake of a safe and healthy community, when you’re willing to compromise and accept that sometimes things don’t go your way.”

“Don’t hope for better. Just be better. Be something better. Be more compassionate, more resilient, more humble, more disciplined.”

“Ever notice that the most important moments in life are always accompanied by somebody in a robe? Weddings, graduations, funerals, court hearings, judicial committee hearings, open heart surgeries, baptisms, and yes, even church sermons.”

“Evolution rewards the most powerful creatures, and power is determined by the ability to access, harness, and manipulate information effectively.”

“Freedom itself demands discomfort.”

“Hopelessness is the root of anxiety, mental illness, and depression. It is the source of all misery and the cause of all addiction.”

“How to start your own religion. Step one: Sell hope to the hopeless.”

“I don't care how scientific you think you are or how many letters you have after your name, you're one of us, bucko. You're a crazy feeling brain-piloted meat robot just like the rest of us.”

“If Jane has to choose between 2 boxes of cereal, and Mike can choose from 20 boxes, Mike does not have more freedom than Jane. He has more variety. Variety is not freedom.”

“If you can tap into people’s insecurities, they will buy just about any damn thing you tell them to.”

“Leaders need their followers to be perpetually dissatisfied; it’s good for the leadership business. If everything were perfect and great, there’d be no reason to follow anybody.”

“Moral gaps are where our values are born.”

“No matter how sunny our skies get, our mind will always imagine just enough clouds to be slightly disappointed.”

“Our crises of hope often start with a basic sense that we do not have control over ourselves or our destiny.”

“Pain is the currency of our values. Without the pain of loss (or potential loss), it becomes impossible to determine the value of anything at all.”

“People are always mistaking what feels good for what is good.”

“Science is arguably the most effective religion because it is the first religion that is able to evolve and improve upon itself.”

“The better things get, the more we perceive threats where there are none, and the more upset we become. And it is at the heart of the paradox of progress.”

“The only thing that can ever truly destroy a dream is to have it come true.”

“The only true form of freedom, the only ethical form of freedom, is through self-limitation. It is not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up in your life.”

“The problem isn’t that we don’t know how not to get punched in the face. The problem is that, at some point, likely a long time ago, we got punched in face, and instead of punching back, we decided we deserved it.”

“The pursuit of happiness is a toxic value that has long defined our culture. Living well does not mean avoiding suffering; it means suffering for the right reasons.”

“The wealthier and safer the place you live, the more likely you are to commit suicide.”

“The world doesn’t run on information. People don’t make decisions based on truth or facts. They don’t spend their money based on data. They don’t connect with each other because of some higher philosophical truth. The world runs on feelings.”

“This is where conspiracy theories come in handy. It’s not just that vaccines cause autism; it’s that the medical and pharmaceutical industries are getting rich by destroying everyone’s families. It’s not just that pro-choicers have a different view on the biological status of a fetus; it’s that they’re soldiers sent by Satan to destroy good Christian families. It’s not just that climate change is a hoax; it’s that it’s a hoax created by the Chinese government to slow the U.S. economy and take over the world.”

“Ultimately, the most meaningful freedom in your life comes from your commitments, the things in life for which you have chosen to sacrifice.”

“Ultimately, we are moved to action only by emotion. That's because action is emotion.”

“What if you didn’t have to prove anything to the people in your life for them to like you?”

“When we deny ourselves the ability to feel pain for a purpose, we deny ourselves the ability to feel any purpose in our life at all.”

“You must love someone without expecting anything in return; otherwise it’s not truly love. You must respect someone without expecting anything in return; otherwise you don’t truly respect him. You must speak honestly without expecting a pat on the back or a high-five or a gold star next to your name; otherwise you aren’t truly being honest.”

“Keep your 'self' out of your decisions, because most likely, it’s not about 'you'. Simply ask yourself, 'Is this a good thing to do?' Yes? Then go do it.”

“We can be truly successful only at things we are willing to fail at.”

“A man with an attractive and interesting lifestyle, a man with high standards for himself and the relationships in his life, will take the time to get to know an attractive woman before soliciting her with gifts. He will wait until he feels strongly enough to genuinely give her a compliment. And if he talks to her and discovers that there is little that is interesting about her beyond her looks, then he will lose interest.”

“A needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by impressing and winning approval from others.”

“A non-needy man doesn’t try to control what women feel about him. Rather he tries to control what he feels about certain women. He understands that the world isn’t about him and that all he can control is himself and his own actions. He’s not bothered when things don’t go his way or when people don’t recognize him as being amazing because he already feels amazing himself. He doesn’t need their approval and their disapproval doesn’t faze him from his mission.”

“All unattractive behavior can be boiled down to one thing: neediness.”

“Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.”

“Communicate with honest appreciation and you’ll be amazed how she lights up in front of you.”

“Every second I spend sitting around feeling distant from my true desires, avoiding the world and being afraid to engage it, is a second that I’m forfeiting the biggest gift of all: my time here in this life.”

“Few men ever stop and actually think critically about why they like certain things, why certain forms of pop culture are popular and others are not. Few have the curiosity to look into new art forms or hobbies and figure out how they feel about them.”

“For my entire young life, I was terrified of anyone not liking me. The mere thought of someone hating me, girl or guy, would literally keep me up at night. As a result, every aspect of my life revolved around people-pleasing, hiding my faults, covering my tracks, and blaming others. And needless to say, I barely had any success with women. And when I did finally get a girlfriend, she left my ass for a man who could actually express himself.”

“Friction is when a woman finds you to be an attractive man, but there are value differences or external circumstances that prevent her from acting on that attraction or being interested in you.”

“Get out there and expose yourself. Open yourself up and find what makes you happy. Yes, that will mean you’ll probably get hurt. But so what? The best things in life don’t come easily.”

“How attractive a man is is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The more needy in his life, the less attractive and vice-versa.”

“Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.”

“I see every rejection simply as some form of incompatibility.”

“Intentions are always speaking ten times louder than your actual words. What are they saying?”

“Napoleon Hill noticed and theorized that extremely successful men also had extremely high sex drives. And not only did they have very high sex drives, but they also channeled this sexual energy into their work and their accomplishments. Often they would abstain from sex or masturbation for long periods of time and would, therefore, feel more energized.”

“Non-neediness is when a man places a higher priority on his own perception of himself than the perceptions of others. A non-needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by embodying his own values and desires.”

“Non-neediness means you respect yourself and others.
Narcissism means you only respect yourself.
Neediness means you only respect others.”

“Only making time for people who make time for you. Only being interested in dating people who are interested in dating you.”

“Our culture has become stationary. We spend our time sitting behind desks, behind screens, and in cars. We don’t move like we used to and we don’t feel like we used to.”

“Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.”

“Romance novels are basically pornography for women.”

“Seduction is the process by which a man induces a woman to become as invested in him as he is in her.”

“The fact that you’re scared to death demonstrates a high level of investment in her opinion of you, and thus a high degree of neediness.”

“The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.”

“The less you talk about your shame, the more of it you have.”

“The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.”

“The needy man tries to control what others think and feel more than what he thinks and feels himself. The non-needy man is more concerned with controlling his own thoughts and feelings rather than the thoughts and feelings of others.”

“The percentage of women who are receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status and your looks.”

“The Three Fundamentals are:
1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle.
2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality.
3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.”

“The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities. Any attempt to control the reactions of others or take some kind of power over the reactions you receive is both foolish and illusory.”

“Ultimately, that’s what women want, a strong, independent, high status male — a 'doesn’t take shit from anybody' bad boy — but they want this bad boy to have a depth and a sensitivity that they only open up and show when they’re around her.”

“When it comes to making yourself more vulnerable, the first step is often to begin establishing your own boundaries. Learn how to say no to people, particularly women. Start having opinions on what you like and don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and won’t tolerate. Be honest with yourself, painfully honest. And then be painfully honest with her.”

“When women emotionally connect with you and your desire for them, it’s not what you’re saying or the words you’re choosing, it’s the emotion behind those words. If the emotion behind your words is needy and self-serving, then she will become turned off no matter what you say, even if you’re telling her the most personal or heartfelt story. If the emotion behind your words is genuine and vulnerable, then it will turn her on, even if you’re talking about your grocery list or how you named your dog.”

“Whereas a needy man says and does these things for approval, the non-needy man does them simply for the pleasure of doing.”

“Words and appearances are merely a symptom of a greater internal problem.”

“You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others. You simply can’t. You have to be controversial to succeed.”

“Your values determine your behavior.”

“A true and accurate measurement of one’s self-worth is how people feel about the negative aspects of themselves.”

“Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.”

“Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.”

“Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance.”

“Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change. Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth.”

“Certainty is the enemy of growth.”

“Don’t hope for a life without problems, there’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”

“Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow.”

“Everybody enjoys what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy, and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when they walk into the room. Everybody wants that. It’s easy to want that.

A more interesting question, a question that most people never consider is “What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?” Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.”

“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.”

“Happiness comes from solving problems. Happiness is a constant work-in-progress. The solutions to today's problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow's problems.”

“I try to live with few rules, but one that I’ve adopted over the years is this: if it’s down to me being screwed up, or everybody else being screwed up, it is far, far, far more likely that I’m the one who’s screwed up. I have learned this from experience. I have been the asshole acting out based on my own insecurities and flawed certainties more times than I can count. It’s not pretty.”

“If there really is no reason to do anything, then there is also no reason to not do anything.”

“If you think about a young child trying to learn to walk, that child will fall down and hurt itself hundreds of times. But at no point does that child ever stop and think: Oh, I guess walking just isn’t for me. I’m not good at it.”

“If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.”

“In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.”

“It's not about giving a fuck about everything your partner gives a fuck about; it's about giving a fuck about your partner regardless of the fucks he or she gives. That's unconditional love, baby.”

“Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway.”

“Life is essentially an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of another.”

“Many people become so obsessed with being 'right' about their life that they never end up actually living it.”

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.”

“Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.”

“Our crisis is no longer material; it’s existential, it’s spiritual. We have so much fucking stuff and so many opportunities that we don’t even know what to give a fuck about anymore.”

“Pain is an inextricable thread in the fabric of life, and to tear it out is not only impossible, but destructive: attempting to tear it out unravels everything else with it. To try to avoid pain is to give too many fucks about pain. In contrast, if you’re able to not give a fuck about the pain, you become unstoppable.”

“People get addicted to feeling offended all the time because it gives them a high; being self-righteous and morally superior feels good.”

“Shitty values involve tangible external goals outside of our control. Better values are process-oriented.”

“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”

“The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it's giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.”

“The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.”

“There is a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth emerges. This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we are always responsible for our experiences. It’s impossible not to be. Choosing to not consciously interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events of our lives.”

“This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes.”

“To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action.”

“To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity.”

“Travel is a fantastic self-development tool, because it extricates you from the values of your culture and shows you that another society can live with entirely different values and still function and not hate themselves. This exposure to different cultural values and metrics then forces you to reexamine what seems obvious in your own life and to consider that perhaps it’s not necessarily the best way to live.”

“True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.”

“Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth. As the old adage goes, the man who believes he knows everything learns nothing. We cannot learn anything without first not knowing something. The more we admit we do not know, the more opportunities we gain to learn.”

“Unhealthy love is based on two people trying to escape their problems through their emotions for each other—in other words, they’re using each other as an escape. Healthy love is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their own problems with each other’s support.”

“We are defined by what we choose to reject. And if we reject nothing we essentially have no identity at all.”

“We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at. If we’re unwilling to fail, then we’re unwilling to succeed.”

“We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive.”

“Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.”

“You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice—well, then you’re going to get fucked.”

“You too are going to die, and that's because you too were fortunate enough to have lived. You may not feel this. But go stand on a cliff sometime, and maybe you will.”