Nicole LePera Quotes

Who is Nicole LePera?

Dr. Nicole LePera is a psychologist, author and podcaster. LePerla writes on overcoming childhood trauma in her book 'How to Do the Work'.

Born September 15, 1982

Books by Nicole LePera


Best 92 Quotes by Nicole LePera | Page 1 of 4

How to Do the Work Quotes

“A parent-figure who is feeling overwhelmed by and uncomfortable with their own emotions, when seeing their child distressed, might say “You’re too sensitive.” The child, whose main objective is to receive love, will suppress or hide their perceived sensitivities in an attempt to continue to do so. If this pattern continues, the child might 'toughen up' or detach, ignoring their authentic Self and presenting a false self, which emerges from a core belief that parts of their identity are unacceptable.

I see this a lot with my male clients and friends. For some who grew up with the model of toxic hypermasculinity, where men are discouraged or shamed for expressing emotion, even acknowledging that they have an emotional world may be challenging. In cases like these, we’re fighting not just the conditioning of our parent-figures and family unit but society at large.”

How to Do the Work

“As we expand our level of conscious awareness, we can see that we are not our ego stories. Thoughts happen to us. They don’t mean anything about who we are. They’re simply our ego attempting to defend our identity and protect us from pain.”

How to Do the Work

“Awakenings are not mystical experiences that are reserved only for monks, mystics, and poets. They are not only for 'spiritual' people. They are for each and every one of us who wants to change — who aches to heal, to thrive, to shine.”

How to Do the Work

“Awakenings open us to the reality that we are more than simple creations of flesh, that we have a soul or spirit, that we desire connection to something greater than our individual selves. Awakenings show us that who we think we are isn’t necessarily who we are. Often, we gain these insights through suffering, living through confusion and sorrow on our way to finally becoming conscious. An awakening is a rebirth of the Self that involves tearing down parts of who you were when you lived in an unconscious, autopilot state of existence.”

How to Do the Work

“Begin to practice being kind to yourself and your loved ones, regardless of what comes up. How a parent-figure treated you as a child is not a reflection of who you are. Or even who they are. You do not need to be a reflection of their unprocessed trauma.”

How to Do the Work

“Emerging science tells us that the genes we inherit aren’t fixed; they are influenced by their environment, beginning in utero and continuing throughout our lives. The groundbreaking discovery of epigenetics tells a new story about our ability to change.”

How to Do the Work

“Even in adulthood, we tend to see the world through the filters applied by the core beliefs — often negative — that we developed during these 'sponge' years of childhood. Continuing to strengthen these core beliefs at the expense of a more accurate, complete, and updated narrative results in increasing disconnection from our authentic Selves. This is one reason why nearly every adult is desperate to be seen, heard, and externally validated. Our need for validation may manifest itself as codependency, chronic people pleasing, and martyrdom; or, on the other side of the spectrum, it may manifest itself as anxiety, rage, and hostility. The more disconnected we are, the more depressed, lost, confused, stuck, and hopeless we feel. The more stuck and hopeless we feel, the more we project our emotions onto the people around us.”

How to Do the Work

“Even though our nervous system reactions are automatic, there are ways to improve your vagal tone, manage your trauma-conditioned responses to stress, and return more quickly to the open, loving, safe space of social engagement mode.”

How to Do the Work

“Every time we make a choice that is outside of our default programming, our subconscious mind will attempt to pull us back to the familiar by creating mental resistance. Mental resistance can manifest as both mental and physical discomfort. It can take the form of cyclical thoughts, such as I can just do this later or I don’t need to do this at all, or physical symptoms, such as agitation, anxiety, or simply not feeling like 'yourself'. This is your subconscious communicating to you that it is uncomfortable with the new territory of these proposed changes.”

How to Do the Work

“Healing is a conscious process that can be lived daily through changes in our habits and patterns.”

How to Do the Work

“Healing is a daily event. You can’t 'go somewhere' to be healed; you must go inward to be healed. This means a daily commitment to doing the work. You are responsible for your healing and will be an active participant in that process. Your level of activity is directly connected to your level of healing. Small and consistent choices are the path to deep transformation.”

How to Do the Work

“Healing rarely comes without difficulty. It’s painful at times and terrifying, too. It means letting go of narratives that hold you back and harm you. It means letting a part of yourself die so that another part of you can be reborn.”

How to Do the Work

“Holistic Psychology focuses on the mind, body, and soul in the service of rebalancing the body and nervous system and healing unresolved emotional wounds.”

How to Do the Work

“How a parent-figure treated you as a child is not a reflection of who you are. Or even who they are. You do not need to be a reflection of their unprocessed trauma.”

How to Do the Work

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“I discovered that our genes are not destiny and that in order to change, we have to become consciously aware of our habits and thought patterns, which have been shaped by the people we care for most.”

How to Do the Work

“If parent-figures have not healed or even recognized their unresolved traumas, they cannot consciously navigate their own path in life, let alone act as trustworthy guides for someone else. It’s very common for parent-figures to project their own unresolved traumas onto their children. When even well-meaning parent-figures react under the influence of their own unconscious wounds they, instead of offering guidance, may attempt to control, micromanage, or coerce a child to follow their will. Some of these attempts may be well intentioned. Parent-figures may consciously or unconsciously want to keep the child safe and protected from the world so that the child will not experience the pain that they, themselves, have. In the process, they may negate the child’s wants and needs.”

How to Do the Work

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“You will start living a life that is worth living for, as soon as you start thinking and saying and doing things that are worthy of your life.”


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“Just because we’ve experienced trauma does not necessarily mean that we are destined for a life of suffering and illness. We don’t have to repeat the patterns that shaped our early lives. When we do the work, we can change. We can move forward. We can heal.”

How to Do the Work

“No longer do we need to accept the narrative of 'faulty genes' as our fate. Emerging science tells us that the genes we inherit aren’t fixed; they are influenced by their environment, beginning in utero and continuing throughout our lives. The groundbreaking discovery of epigenetics tells a new story about our ability to change.”

How to Do the Work

“Not everyone wants to get better. And that’s okay. Some people have an identity tied to sickness. Others fear true wellness because it is the unknown and the unknown is unpredictable. There is comfort in knowing exactly what your life will look like, even if that reality is making you sick.”

How to Do the Work

“Once our immune system gets the signal that we’re living in a near-constant threat state, it repeatedly sends out chemicals that cause inflammation throughout the body.”

How to Do the Work

“Once we see beyond the narrative that genetics are destiny, we can take ownership of our health. This allows us to see how 'choiceless' we once were and empowers us with the ability to create real and lasting change.”

How to Do the Work

“Our attachments in our earliest years set the groundwork for our subconscious beliefs. We learn what a relationship looks like from watching those closest to us in relationships. We learn how to feel about our bodies by observing how our parents feel about their bodies. We learn whether or not to prioritize self care. We learn spending habits, worldviews, and beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. We stored these beliefs as well as countless other messages in our subconscious.”

How to Do the Work

“Our brain actually prefers to spend most of its time coasting on autopilot — it is best able to conserve its energy by knowing what to expect. This is why our habits and routines feel so comforting.”

How to Do the Work

“Our practiced thoughts become our truth.”

How to Do the Work

“Since the turn of the twentieth century we’ve believed in genetic causes of diagnoses — a theory called genetic determinism. Under this model, our genes (and subsequent health) are determined at birth. We are 'destined' to inherit or be exempt from certain diseases based on the blind luck or misfortune of our DNA. Genetic determinism doesn’t consider the role of family backgrounds, traumas, habits, or anything else within the environment.”

How to Do the Work

“So many of us exist in a state of unconsciousness. We navigate through the world running on blind autopilot, carrying out automatic, habitual behaviors that don’t serve us or reflect who we fundamentally are and what we deeply desire.”

How to Do the Work

“Something brought you here. Something inside of you came here with a deep longing to heal. A longing to be the highest version of yourself.”

How to Do the Work

“Stress is more than just a mental state; it is an internal condition that challenges homeostasis, which is a state of physical, emotional, and mental balance. We experience a physiological stress response when our brain perceives that we don’t have adequate resources to survive an obstacle or threat (which is the general state of affairs when it comes to unresolved trauma).”

How to Do the Work

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“The familiar feels safe; that is, until we teach ourselves that discomfort is temporary and a necessary part of transformation.”

How to Do the Work

“The first step to healing is awareness.”

How to Do the Work

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“The people who trigger us, or cause us to feel negative emotion are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being.”


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