Nicole LePera Quotes Page 2

“The first step to healing is awareness.”

“The overwhelming pull of the subconscious mind makes it hard for us to change. We are not evolutionarily wired for change. When we do try to push ourselves out of our autopilot, we face resistance from our mind and body. This response has a name: the homeostatic impulse.”

“The part of you that knows this to be true is your intuition. It has always been there. We have simply developed a habit of not listening to or trusting what it says. Being here today is a step in healing that broken trust within ourselves.”

“Therapy and singular transformative experiences (like ayahuasca ceremonies) can take us only so far along the path to healing. To truly actualize change, you have to engage in the work of making new choices every day. In order to achieve mental wellness, you must begin by being an active daily participant in your own healing.”

“There is tremendous freedom in not believing every thought we have and understanding that we are the thinker of our thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Our minds are powerful tools, and if we do not become consciously aware of the disconnection between our authentic Selves and our thoughts, we give our thoughts too much control in our daily lives.”

“To truly actualize change, you have to engage in the work of making new choices every day. In order to achieve mental wellness, you must begin by being an active daily participant in your own healing.”

“Trauma creates the fundamental belief that we must betray who we are in order to survive.”

“Trauma occurred when we consistently betrayed ourselves for love, were consistently treated in a way that made us feel unworthy or unacceptable resulting in a severed connection to our authentic Self. Trauma creates the fundamental belief that we must betray who we are in order to survive.”

“Traumatic experiences aren’t always obvious. Our perception of the trauma is just as valid as the trauma itself. This is especially true in childhood, when we are most helpless and dependent. Trauma occurred when we consistently betrayed ourselves for love, were consistently treated in a way that made us feel unworthy or unacceptable resulting in a severed connection to our authentic Self. Trauma creates the fundamental belief that we must betray who we are in order to survive.”

“We all carry unresolved trauma. As we’ve seen, it’s not necessarily the severity of the event itself but our response to it that determines the imprint it makes.”

“You are the thinker of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.”

“Your inability to move forward or make changes isn’t about you, it’s an extension of the conditioned patterns and core beliefs you developed in your childhood.”

“5 Ways We Self Sabotage And Why:

1. Pushing someone away when we have strong feelings for them.

We want connection, but connection wasn't safe in our past so we subconsciously engage in behavior that pushes people away because we can't trust connection.

2. Committing to things we know we don't have time for

People pleasers fear saying no or disappointing anyone. Being liked makes us feel safe, so over-committing (even though it creates stress) is a consistent pattern.

3. Not telling people when they upset you or when you're hurt

It's important to communicate our true feelings, but if we were shamed, mocked, or dismissed in the past when we explained how we felt, we can shut down to stay safe.

4. Over-explaining: explaining each decision you make even minor decisions to friends family & sometimes even strangers.

Through over-explaining we try to keep ourselves safe from being abandoned or rejected because we believe we can't make our own choices.

5. Gossiping

Gossiping gives us an illusion of having connection and that we fit in (feeling safe). In reality, gossip damages our relationships and creates deep layers of distrust and betrayal over time.”

“6 signs you're becoming a better communicator:

1. You don't interrupt.

2. You ask follow up questions: "What did you mean when you said x?"

3. You know when you're too dysregulated to have a conversation.

4. You share how you feel even when it's uncomfortable.

5. You listen from a place of curiosity.

6. When you feel defensive, you pause and let the emotion pass.”

“7 Signs you're a people pleaser:

1. You believe that if you upset someone, you're a bad person or have done something wrong.

2. You tolerate behavior that is hurtful and tell yourself people don't mean it.

3. In social situations, you struggle to be present and are more focused on making sure everyone likes you or is comfortable.

4. You regularly apologize even if you didn't cause the issue (ex: someone bumps into you at a store and you say "oh I'm sorry" or someone yells at you and you apologize for making them mad).

5. You struggle to say no and often give long explanations to relieve your own guilt.

6. The thought of saying "No, I'm not comfortable with that" makes you cringe and brings up fear.

7. You often feel resentment or like your relationships don't have equal energy exchanges (you're giving more than you receive).”

“A common pattern from childhood trauma is betraying ourselves to be loved or chosen as adults.”

“A harsh truth: getting emotionally healthy means some relationships might end or change. And that’s ok.”

“A harsh truth: the health of your relationship will come down to how comfortable you can get having uncomfortable conversations on a regular basis.”

“A soothing voice calms another person’s nervous system. When having difficult or uncomfortable conversations be aware of your tone and volume.

You have a better chance of being heard when their nervous system doesn’t detect danger from your voice.”

“A true apology involves:

1. An acknowledgment of pain caused
2. How behavior will change in the future
3. Listening fully to how you’ve impacted someone

Have you gotten a true apology?”

“Addiction behaviors are attempts at self soothing.”

“Addiction is a coping mechanism and a way we attempt to soothe our nervous system.”

“Affirmation: I meet my needs even if meeting those needs means disappointing people or if I feel uncomfortable.”

“Alcohol is the coping mechanism of a culture in extreme nervous system dysregulation.

Without it, we’d have to feel the social anxiety and discomfort always happening in our bodies.”

“Anger can be a front. Most people are actually just heartbroken. Anger just feels less vulnerable.”

“As you heal your circle gets smaller and the people in it get more real.”

“Being truly seen, heard, and witnessed brings up fear (and sometimes even fear or panic). This is where patterns of sabotage come in. We fear intimacy, so we engage in behaviors that block intimacy. Also known as self protection.

For example:
- push pull behaviors (shutting down when someone gets close)
- seeking affection or attention outside of our relationship
- putting up a 'tough front' (defense mechanism)
- stonewalling (silent treatment)”

“Break the pattern of over nurturing someone while you under receive.

You deserve more than breadcrumbs.”

“By 35 become aware of your coping mechanisms, your triggers, and your attachment style.

This will not only make you a (very) desired partner, you’ll have the rare gift of emotional intelligence.”

“Children aren’t meant to be the sounding board for adult problems.”