Nicole LePera Quotes Page 4

“Nice guy syndrome creates a situation where men don't understand their own needs and how to get those needs met. This leads to manipulative or dysfunctional behaviors in an attempt to get needs met.

It's also why so many men are emotionally unavailable, emotionally immature, and unable to connect or soothe their romantic partners.”

“No matter how attracted you are to your partner, if they’re emotionally immature, you’ll have a child-like relationship.

Many people are children in adult bodies, unwilling to do the work.

Save your heart for the person who chooses to grow up, emotionally.”

“Optimism doesn’t come natural to trauma survivors because our brains are still scanning the environment for threats and danger.”

“Our anxious attachment patterns can also drive us to choose partners who are emotionally unavailable, which creates a deeper fear of abandonment.”

“Our expectations of how things ‘should’ be often hurt us more than reality does.”

“Over-explaining or over-apologizing was how your child self tried to stay safe around dangerous or unpredictable adults. You no longer needs these patterns. Say ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ and sit with the guilt. People respect directness, even if it feels rude to us.”

“Over-seriousness is a trauma response. It’s why so many adults can’t play, can’t just have fun, or go with the flow.

We’re stuck in sympathetic activation. Our body is fighting a life and death battle.”

“Overeating is a coping mechanism for many. An attempt to self soothe that has nothing to do with willpower.”

“People don’t want to be rescued — they want to be supported. They want to be listened to.

They don’t want to hear the bright side. They want to feel accepted in whatever state they’re in.”

“People lie because few of us learn conflict resolution skills.

Avoidance becomes a coping mechanism because we can’t handle uncomfortable emotions.”

“People pleasing is a conditioned behavior that we learn as children. It's common in homes without boundaries, where being liked and accepted is more important than our own needs. When we're people pleasing we're within an evolutionary nervous system response called: fawn.

Fawn is when we appease others in order to avoid threats or danger. Some of us have learned to fawn because if we didn't we would experience abuse or shaming.”

“People pleasing is safety seeking.”

“Physical touch heals the nervous system. It strengthens the immune system.

We’re meant to touch and be touched on regular basis. And not just in an attempt to have sexual intimacy.”

“Practice seeing people as they are. Not as who you want them to be.”

“Relationship sabotage happens when we've never learned to trust.

Relationship sabotage is when we act in survival based ways that push people away.

This is a subconscious pattern, many of us aren't even aware we're doing.”

“Relationships require maintenance. They don't run themselves. Intentional effort, uncomfortable conversations, and acceptance that you both will change is how they keep going.”

“Reminder: you can be a good person who made a bad choice.”

“Self care sometimes looks like refusing to engage with someone committing to misunderstanding you.”

“Self doubt doesn't go away. Regardless of how much we achieve. Self doubt isn't a sign to stop doing what you're doing. It's a series of fear based thoughts, and we are fully capable of doing difficult things.”

“Self love does not mean self centered.

Self love is the foundation of healthy relationships. How we respect and care for ourselves impacts every other relationship we have.

Self centered is the opposite of self love where our perspective is all we value.”

“Self respect says: if I'm not comfortable with something, I'll let the person know even when it scares me.”

“Self sabotage is an attempt at control when we feel like we have none.”

“Set boundaries with people who believe you should betray yourself in order to keep the peace.”

“Sex can be a bandaid for the emotionally unavailable.”

“Snark and sarcasm is often a coping mechanism to cover insecurity.”

“So many people say 'the truth' when they actually mean: my truth.”

“Someone needs to hear this:

It’s OK to outgrow people. It’s OK to change your mind.

It’s OK to have new values. It’s OK to want different things from life.”

“Stable relationships will feel boring when we're raised in high cortisol homes.”

“Successful relationships aren’t about two healed people coming together to have the perfect relationship.

They’re about unhealed people having the courage to show the parts of themselves they usually hide.

They’re about unhealed people learning how to ask for help, accept help, and build security.

They’re about unhealed people forgiving themselves and each other over and over again.

They're about unhealed people crying together on the kitchen floor as they repair after conflict.

They're about unhealed people learning how to leave fight or flight.”

“Sunlight first thing and a brisk walk sets your nervous system up for health.”