Nicole LePera Quotes


Best 121 Twitter post Quotes by Nicole LePera – Page 1 of 5

Twitter post Quotes

“5 Ways We Self Sabotage And Why:

1. Pushing someone away when we have strong feelings for them.

We want connection, but connection wasn't safe in our past so we subconsciously engage in behavior that pushes people away because we can't trust connection.

2. Committing to things we know we don't have time for

People pleasers fear saying no or disappointing anyone. Being liked makes us feel safe, so over-committing (even though it creates stress) is a consistent pattern.

3. Not telling people when they upset you or when you're hurt

It's important to communicate our true feelings, but if we were shamed, mocked, or dismissed in the past when we explained how we felt, we can shut down to stay safe.

4. Over-explaining: explaining each decision you make even minor decisions to friends family & sometimes even strangers.

Through over-explaining we try to keep ourselves safe from being abandoned or rejected because we believe we can't make our own choices.

5. Gossiping

Gossiping gives us an illusion of having connection and that we fit in (feeling safe). In reality, gossip damages our relationships and creates deep layers of distrust and betrayal over time.”

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“6 signs you're becoming a better communicator:

1. You don't interrupt.

2. You ask follow up questions: "What did you mean when you said x?"

3. You know when you're too dysregulated to have a conversation.

4. You share how you feel even when it's uncomfortable.

5. You listen from a place of curiosity.

6. When you feel defensive, you pause and let the emotion pass.”

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“7 Signs you're a people pleaser:

1. You believe that if you upset someone, you're a bad person or have done something wrong.

2. You tolerate behavior that is hurtful and tell yourself people don't mean it.

3. In social situations, you struggle to be present and are more focused on making sure everyone likes you or is comfortable.

4. You regularly apologize even if you didn't cause the issue (ex: someone bumps into you at a store and you say "oh I'm sorry" or someone yells at you and you apologize for making them mad).

5. You struggle to say no and often give long explanations to relieve your own guilt.

6. The thought of saying "No, I'm not comfortable with that" makes you cringe and brings up fear.

7. You often feel resentment or like your relationships don't have equal energy exchanges (you're giving more than you receive).”

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“A common pattern from childhood trauma is betraying ourselves to be loved or chosen as adults.”

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“A harsh truth: getting emotionally healthy means some relationships might end or change. And that’s ok.”

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“A harsh truth: the health of your relationship will come down to how comfortable you can get having uncomfortable conversations on a regular basis.”

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“A soothing voice calms another person’s nervous system. When having difficult or uncomfortable conversations be aware of your tone and volume.

You have a better chance of being heard when their nervous system doesn’t detect danger from your voice.”

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“A true apology involves:

1. An acknowledgment of pain caused
2. How behavior will change in the future
3. Listening fully to how you’ve impacted someone

Have you gotten a true apology?”

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“Addiction behaviors are attempts at self soothing.”

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“Addiction is a coping mechanism and a way we attempt to soothe our nervous system.”

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“Affirmation: I meet my needs even if meeting those needs means disappointing people or if I feel uncomfortable.”

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“Alcohol is the coping mechanism of a culture in extreme nervous system dysregulation.

Without it, we’d have to feel the social anxiety and discomfort always happening in our bodies.”

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“Anger can be a front. Most people are actually just heartbroken. Anger just feels less vulnerable.”

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“As you heal your circle gets smaller and the people in it get more real.”

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“Being truly seen, heard, and witnessed brings up fear (and sometimes even fear or panic). This is where patterns of sabotage come in. We fear intimacy, so we engage in behaviors that block intimacy. Also known as self protection.

For example:
- push pull behaviors (shutting down when someone gets close)
- seeking affection or attention outside of our relationship
- putting up a 'tough front' (defense mechanism)
- stonewalling (silent treatment)”

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“Break the pattern of over nurturing someone while you under receive.

You deserve more than breadcrumbs.”

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“Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed.

The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go.

It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self. Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.”

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“By 35 become aware of your coping mechanisms, your triggers, and your attachment style.

This will not only make you a (very) desired partner, you’ll have the rare gift of emotional intelligence.”

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“Children aren’t meant to be the sounding board for adult problems.”

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“Codependency: how you feel about me is how I feel about me.”

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“Cuddling is healing. Cuddle skin to skin as much as you can with someone you trust.

Your nervous system will thank you.”

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“Cutting someone out of your life and choosing yourself and your sanity is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through in life.

You're never the same after because you know how different life is when you protect your peace.”

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“Defense mode happens when we go into fight or flight. It might just be a conversation, but our body feels like we're in danger.

You've gone into fight or flight when:
- you're raising your voice
- you're talking over the other person
- you've stopped listening and only want to prove your point or perspective
- you feel like the person is out to get you”

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“Don’t be led by temporary emotions, be led by your values.”

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“Emotionally immature people aren't able to self reflect. They've mastered deflection or the ability to blame other people.”

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“Excessive neediness feels overwhelming.

We want relationships with people who are self sufficient. We want healthy dependence with give and take.

It’s completely natural to feel resentment over having to take care of another adult.”

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“Food becomes a source of love. It’s what a person uses for soothing.

Especially when they’re love-starved and lacked a secure, comforting relationship with a parent.

Issues with food don’t come from a lack of willpower. They come from a lack of belonging.”

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“Food was the way many of us learned to self soothe as early as 5 or 6 years old because we didn’t have a parent who could co-regulate with us. Then as we gained weight, some family members mocked or teased us. Food was our support and our sense of disgust.”

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“Highly defensive people struggle most in relationships.

When we stop being defensive we create emotional intimacy and evolve into better versions of ourselves.”

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“How to break free from people pleasing:

1. Setting clear boundaries: boundaries are your own limits that teach people what we will and will not accept.

2. Get comfortable disappointing people: disappointment is part of life, and we may disappoint people. That's ok, and doesn't mean we are wrong or bad.

3. Notice your patterns of over-explaining or over-apologizing: this is an anxious habit response that we use to try to soothe our sense of guilt. Ironically, it actually brings up anxious in other people. Short answers will help you feel more confident.

4. Unlearn self sacrifice as a badge of honor: culture glorifies self sacrifice and idealizes the idea that putting others first makes us a good person. In reality, if we don't meet our own needs we can't be there for other people in the ways we want to.

5. Be kind to yourself: people pleasers tend to be quite hard on themselves. Creating a healthy relationship with yourself means speaking yourself in kind ways, honoring that you have good intentions, and knowing its ok to*please yourself, too.”

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“How your partner was loved as a child will show up in: how they react when hurt, how they communicate during conflict, and how they respond when you share your feelings.”

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“As Damasio puts it, human beings are 'feeling machines that think' not 'thinking machines that feel'.”

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