P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

“At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.”

“Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.”

“Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.”

“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.”

“I always advise people never to give advice.”

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

“It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.”

“Marriage isn’t a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.”

“She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season.”

“Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant – better left unstirred.”

“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”

“The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine.”

“The voice of love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”

“Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem that we men can never hope to solve.”

“You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower.”