Patrice O'Neal Quotes


 
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Best 55 Quotes by Patrice O'Neal – Page 1 of 2

“A beautiful 35-year old ain't as good-looking as an ugly 19-year old.”

“A good relationship is always the one where the girl is a little bit insecure.”

“A good relationship is one where the girl thinks you'll be comfortable if she leaves.”

“A happy man is a happy relationship. A happy woman is a miserable man.”

“Always be ready to flip over the board, and go out and start a new game.”

“Always play the card like you don't give a f*ck, even if you do. Especially if you do.”

“As soon as you have the mentality that you will righteously leave, she will righteously stay.”

“Girls don't even know how they want to be treated.”

“Guys who f*ck a lot of women are happy motherf*ckers but, girls who f*ck a lot of guys are miserable.”

“Have your opinion, don't let your opinion have you.”

“Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon... dipped in honey.”

“I am that guy who will say things that people seem to think is a little edgy, a little racy.”

“I can only love someone ninety percent, I need to save ten percent in case that person ain't sh*t.”

“I don't control my girl. I just let her know that she can't control me.”

“I don't go to any sexy places to eat where they give you half a lamb chop and one bean. I like going, 'Uhhh, I'm done' when I eat.”

“I generally don't like living in a world where being what a man is, is a horrible thing; and no matter what a woman is, is a wonderful thing.”

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“If you do whippets and you get a brain freeze and you're wearing sandals, you can end up time traveling.”


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“I like to be loved or hated – I don't like mediocre. So I'd rather have the entire crowd hate me than to have 90% hate me.”

“I like to talk to white people about being honest about Obama. You gave it a shot. You did. You gave it a two-year shot. I'm mad at Obama because I thought I would have a white slave by now! I thought it was vengeance day! I thought I had me a white family! A big old, fat white girl. 'Go warm my bed up! Get upstairs, Susan! Warm my bed up, feed my baby with your giant white t*tties! I'm gonna go outside and stare your husband in the face and decide whether I'm gonna sell him or not!'”

“I need a little bass and I don't even need that crazy bass to break your face. I just want it to sound good when I have my favorite song.”

“I said to my girl, 'The reason you have a key to my house is to keep me from having other women in my house. I give you an open invitation.'

See, she wants me to go, 'Because I love you and I trust you, and I want you to trust me.'

It's because the fear of my girl walking in will keep me from having a young broad sitting on top of my counter. But she wants that to be because I love her so much, but it's just to protect me from my own manness.”

“I'm a big buffet dude, or I'm a big cheap-food-and-order-more-when-I-need-it dude.”

“I'm a decent cook, and I will try to cook anything. My only weakness is that I don't know servings – I only know how to make a lot.”

“I'm a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four-door Porsche. I have a really nice truck. But it's a Durango and I like frontin'! I like to ride by and show off.”

“I'm a thigh-meat dude. Thigh is just the best meat – I don't get chicken breast. I think it's a publicity stunt that we've convinced people it's delicious.”

“I've still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy.”

“If I get caught cheating, I'm not going to sit here in apology all my life.”

“If she thinks you'll be ecstatic if she leaves, she will never leave.”

“If you don't talk to b*tches, you lose the ability to talk to b*tches.”

“If your girl left, what is it that you would miss?

Exactly.”

“It's not their fault. It's just nature. It's just what they do.”

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“There is a very difficult period in a comedian's career – it's that window of time where you're good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.”


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