Rivers Cuomo Quotes

“A man should not have to endure male pattern baldness and zits in the same life stage.”

“A person's 'middle age' is actually 26 to 52, assuming a life expectancy of 78.”

“A poorly constructed dilemma: if you had to choose between eating your favavorite flavor ice cream or worm ridden horse diarrhea, which would u choose?”

“After you get all your relationships in order, there's really not that much to get upset about.”

“All it takes is an 8 to make a 7 look like a 5.”

“All this struggle and you're just going to die anyway.”

“Always assume people are smarter than you think they are.”

“Are gay people more likely to be attracted to themselves?”

“Aren't competition swimmers afraid of getting inappropriate erections in their little speedos?”

“Aren't grapes 'grapefruit'?”

“At a certain point, you just stop worrying about other guys looking at your dong when you're in the locker room.”

“Before humans, nothing had a name.”

“Being a small person, I feel like I shouldn't have to pay as much for a full-body massage as a normal-sized person.”

“Bicycles must have blown people's minds when they were first invented.”

“Can I get a Jehovah's Witness?”

“Caught my wife looking at nudie pictures of dogs and horses online.”

“Did Mary and Joseph start having sex after Jesus was born?”

“Die before you die.”

“Do animals sometimes forget what it was they were going to do?”

“Do trees ever get tired?”

“Do you have any idea how great you are?”

“Does the superhero cape have any function?”

“Don't believe everything you think.”

“Don't bother me now, child, I'm reading a book on how to be a good parent.”

“Don't eat it just because it's there.”

“Don't tell the truth unless you don't mind being misunderstood.”

“Don't want to kill the ants in my kitchen sink so I'm severely bumming them out with some peppermint oil.”

“Easy is not a word I would ever use to describe touring.”

“Even at your best, the creative moments are still kind of fleeting.”

“Every day as a father is a happy day!”