Robert Orben Quotes

Who is Robert Orben?

Robert Orben is an American comedy writer, magician and speechwriter for Vice President Gerald Ford.

Born March 04, 1927

Books by Robert Orben


Best 58 Quotes by Robert Orben | Page 1 of 2

“A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.”

Robert Orben

“Don’t smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We’re all on the road to the grave – but there’s no need to be in the passing lane.”

Robert Orben

“A compliment is verbal sunshine.”

Robert Orben

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.”

Robert Orben

“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.”

Robert Orben

“An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.”

Robert Orben

“Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?”

Robert Orben

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“Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.”

Robert Orben

“Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?”

Robert Orben

“Do your kids a favor - don't have any.”

Robert Orben

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”

Robert Orben

“For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.”

Robert Orben

“Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.”

Robert Orben

“Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!”

Robert Orben

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“Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.”

Robert Orben

“Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.”

Robert Orben

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“You don't need words to express feelings.”


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“I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.”

Robert Orben

“I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.”

Robert Orben

“I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it – after all, they’ve already given us tasteless bread.”

Robert Orben

“I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.”

Robert Orben

“If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.”

Robert Orben

“If those scientists are all so smart, why do they all count backwards?”

Robert Orben

“If you can laugh together, you can work together.”

Robert Orben

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

Robert Orben

“Individuality is the key to success.”

Robert Orben

“Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.”

Robert Orben

“It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.”

Robert Orben

“It’s amazing how important your job is when you want the day off – and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.”

Robert Orben

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“Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.”

Robert Orben

“Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!”

Robert Orben

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“When you finish anything, people want you to then talk about it. And I think it’s almost like a crime. A film or a painting – each thing is its own sort of language and it’s not right to try to say the same thing in words. The words are not there. The language of film, cinema, is the language it was put into, and the English language – it’s not going to translate. It’s going to lose.”


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