Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Why should I know Rodney Dangerfield?

Rodney Dangerfield was the stage name of American actor and stand-up comedian Jacob Rodney Cohen.

Dangerfield was a good friend of fellow comedians Lenny Bruce and Joe Ancis.

Born November 22, 1921
Died October 05, 2004

Books by Rodney Dangerfield


Best 29 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

“At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I don't get no respect!”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I played hide and seek; they wouldn’t even look for me.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I'm so ugly, my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“My mother had morning sickness after I was born.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”

Rodney Dangerfield

Products by Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said. Look, twins!”

Rodney Dangerfield