Spike Milligan Quotes



Best 21 Quotes by Spike Milligan

“A man loses his dog, so he puts and ad in the paper. And the ad says, "Here, boy!”

“A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.”

“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”

“All men are cremated equal.”

“Always try to make other people happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it.”

“Bureaucracy was the counterpart of cancer, it grew bigger and destroyed everything except itself.”

“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”

“Copulation equals population equals pollution.”

“His vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over ploughed fields with weights tied to his scrotum.”

“I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.”

“I speak Esperanto like a native.”

“I thought I’d begin by reciting a sonnet by Shakespeare but then I thought why should I? He never reads any of mine.”

“Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.”

“Listen, someone’s screaming in agony – fortunately I speak it fluently.”

“Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.”

“Money can’t buy you friends but you get a better class of enemy.”

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“I would do very well in a Captain Crunch commercial.”


More quotes by Daniel Larson

“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”

“Two little sardines swimming in the sea, came across a submarine, 'What’s that?' said one,
peering in. 'Only people in a tin.'”

“We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!”

“World peace could be a possibility… if it weren’t for all those damned foreigners!”

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.”