Spike Milligan Quotes

Who is Spike Milligan?

Spike Milligan was a British-Irish comedian born as Terence Alan Milligan.

Born April 16, 1918
Died February 27, 2002

Books by Spike Milligan


Best 21 Quotes by Spike Milligan

“A man loses his dog, so he puts and ad in the paper. And the ad says, "Here, boy!”

Spike Milligan

“A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.”

Spike Milligan

“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”

Spike Milligan

“All men are cremated equal.”

Spike Milligan

“Always try to make other people happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it.”

Spike Milligan

“Bureaucracy was the counterpart of cancer, it grew bigger and destroyed everything except itself.”

Spike Milligan

“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”

Spike Milligan

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“Copulation equals population equals pollution.”

Spike Milligan

“His vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over ploughed fields with weights tied to his scrotum.”

Spike Milligan

“I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.”

Spike Milligan

“I speak Esperanto like a native.”

Spike Milligan

“I thought I’d begin by reciting a sonnet by Shakespeare but then I thought why should I? He never reads any of mine.”

Spike Milligan

“Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.”

Spike Milligan

“Listen, someone’s screaming in agony – fortunately I speak it fluently.”

Spike Milligan

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“Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.”

Spike Milligan

“Money can’t buy you friends but you get a better class of enemy.”

Spike Milligan

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“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth... Then he said, 'Let there be light.' Which means he made the entire universe in the dark! How fucking good is that? He's brilliant.”


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“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”

Spike Milligan

“Two little sardines swimming in the sea, came across a submarine, 'What’s that?' said one,
peering in. 'Only people in a tin.'”

Spike Milligan

“We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!”

Spike Milligan

“World peace could be a possibility… if it weren’t for all those damned foreigners!”

Spike Milligan

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.”

Spike Milligan