Stefanie Stahl Quotes

“If I can only love what is perfect, then it's not real love either.”

“We strive for meaning in what we do. To put it the other way around: the experience of meaninglessness creates depression.”

“After all, we feel best spending time around people who are authentic and stand by their own weaknesses.

In the presence of people who appear perfect, we can easily feel inferior and defeated.”

“All suffering in this world derives from a lack of self-reflection.”

“Beliefs are the glasses through which we see reality.”

“Developing self-compassion is an important step in healing.”

“Discipline is one of the most important prerequisites for a successful life and is extremely strained in our times of almost endless choices and abundance.”

“Don't wait for others to change or for 'something' to happen, but intervene in your life and change what you want to change.”

“Everybody needs a place where they feel protected, secure, and welcome. Everybody yearns for a place where they can relax and be fully themselves.

Ideally, the childhood home was one such place. For those of us who felt accepted and loved by our parents, our home provided this warmth. It was a heartwarming place — the very thing that everybody yearns for.

And we internalize this feeling from childhood — that of being accepted and welcome — as a fundamental, positive attitude toward life that accompanies us through adulthood: we feel secure in the world and in our own life. We’re self-confident and trusting of others.

There’s the notion of basic trust, which is like a home within ourselves, providing us with internal support and protection. Many people, however, associate their childhood with largely negative experiences, some even traumatic.

Others had an unhappy childhood, but have repressed those memories. They can barely recall what happened. Then there are those who believe their childhood was 'normal' or even 'happy', only to discover, upon closer examination, that they have been deluding themselves.

And though people may attempt to repress or, as an adult, downplay childhood experiences of insecurity or rejection, there are moments in everyday life that will reveal how underdeveloped their basic trust remains.

They have self-esteem issues and frequently doubt that they are welcome and that their coworkers, romantic partner, boss, or new friend truly likes them. They don’t really like themselves all that much, they have a range of insecurities, and they often struggle in relationships.

Unable to develop basic trust, they therefore lack a sense of internal support. Instead, they hope that others will provide them with these feelings of security, protection, stability, and home.

They search for home with their partner, their colleagues, in their softball league, or online, only to be disappointed: other people can provide this feeling of home sporadically at best.

Those who lack a home on the inside will never find one on the outside. They can’t tell that they’re caught in a trap.”

“Instead, think: The shadow child in me is afraid...”

“It is only once you are truly authentic and accept responsibility for yourself that real harmony and nearness can emerge.”

“Many people don’t even dare to be authentic with their partner. They think they need to keep some parts hidden. As much as possible, they prefer to show their partner their 'presentable self' only.

They believe that, if they were to be authentic and up-front about their desires and needs, it would place too much strain on the relationship.

The very opposite is the case, though: authenticity is what makes a relationship exciting and lively.”

“Most of the problems we have ultimately result from our self-protection.”

“Our brain seems not to have much interest in the supposed reality outside of it. Indeed, it’s not facts that make up our sense of reality, but rather our interpretations of those facts. Our expectations play a decisive role in this.”

“Our self-esteem is expressed in our beliefs.

“I am not enough”, “I’m not important”, “I am worthless” — these are some typical examples of beliefs from our shadow child.

When these beliefs are triggered, we feel sad, fearful, ashamed, or angry. These are not pleasant feelings, so we make great efforts, both consciously and unconsciously, to avoid having these feelings.”

“The four basic psychological needs are: the need for connection, the need for autonomy and control, the need for pleasure or avoidance of displeasure, the need for bolstered self-esteem and acknowledgment.”

“The more authentically you live your life, the happier you’ll be in your relationships.

Once you find yourself, you’ll have a much easier time with yourself and others — and others will have a much easier time with you.”

“True closeness can only be achieved through authenticity, openness, and empathy.”

“We can’t be fully open and authentic at all times and with everyone we meet, nor would we want to be.

A certain level of restraint and 'disguise' to protect ourselves is healthy, natural, and socially acceptable.”

“When I choose to take responsibility for my shadow child, I will become not only a happier person, but also a better person.”