Steve Byrne Quotes

Best 11 Quotes by Steve Byrne

“Everybody's getting woke because they don't wanna get canceled, right?

You got country music artists changing their names.

Lady Antebellum? No longer! It is Lady A.

The Dixie Chicks are just The Chicks.

Even Alabama. Alabama now? Vermont!”

“Girls always have to call somebody when something slightly traumatic almost happens.

"Ohmigod, you'll never guess what almost happened."
- "Let me guess: nothing. Because it's 'almost'. Goodbye." Click.”

“When a girl's a screamer during sex, she's either positive or negative. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" or the complete opposite, "No! No! No!"

Just once, I want to hear a girl right in the middle: Maybe! Maybe! Maybe!”

“You know what they call Chinese food in China? It's called food.

If you're the kind of person who's like "Man I can't eat Chinese food, I just had it yesterday" here's my advice: don't go to China. That's all they've got!”

Banned Jokes Quotes

“If you see something, say something.

You best believe I do. The other day I called 911.

I was watching ESPN, women's swimming and I saw a suspicious package.”

Banned Jokes

“Kamala Harris making history. The first woman of Jamaican and Indian descent to be elected African-American.”

Banned Jokes

“Sexual identity is a big issue these days. Disney announced they're making a feature film about a transgender whale. It's called Maybe Dick.”

Banned Jokes

“The border wall obviously is a big issue. Recent polls show that 40% of all Americans are for the border wall and 40% are against. 20% said 'no comprende'.

As an American I don't care how Mexicans feel about a border wall because with enough time, they'll get over it.”

Banned Jokes

“The Miss Nevada pageant occurred recently and a transgender won it for the first time in the pageant's history.

It think that's fantastic. I think what clinched it was the talent portion where she wrote her name in the snow.”

Banned Jokes

“There are rumours that Margot Robbie and Emma Watson are gonna team up together to make a lesbian remake of 'Brokeback Mountain'.

I gotta tell you, on one hand I'm so sick of Hollywood making these unoriginal remakes and on the other hand... lotion!”

Banned Jokes

Twitter post Quotes

“The first 20 years of my profession I was simply known as: A Stand Up Comedian.

The last 5 years I’ve been known as:
Racist, hom*phobic, Anti-Trans, socialist, liberal, conservative, MAGA, Democrat, Republican, N*zi, Gay, H*mo, Retarded, Ugly, Hateful, Chinese and a White Supremacist…”

Twitter post

You Might Like

“Sometimes shows suffer from having many cooks in the kitchen.”

More quotes by Nick Kroll