Steven Wright Quotes Page 4
Best 111 Quotes by Steven Wright – Page 4 of 4
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
“The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.”
“The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.”
“The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.”
“The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.”
“The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.”
“There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
“They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.”
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
“What a nice night for an evening.”
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
“What’s another word for thesaurus?”
“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s five dollars a minute.”
“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
“When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.”
“When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”
You Might Like
“If I see an audition for a show or a movie, I'll send a tape in. I attack it. The whole time, I'm booking comedy, so no matter what, I always got that coming in. I'm always working on my craft.”
“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes'.”
“Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.”
“Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?”
“Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.”
“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”
