Wilson Mizner Quotes

“A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.”

“A fellow who is always declaring he’s no fool usually has his suspicions.”

“A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.”

“A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.”

“Be nice to people on your way up, because you’ll meet them on your way down.”

“Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.”

“Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.”

“Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.”

“Hollywood is a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.”

“I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.”

“I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.”

“I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.”

“I’d rather know a square guy than own a square mile.”

“I’ve had ample contact with lawyers, and I’m convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.”

“I’ve known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.”

“I’ve spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.”

“In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept destructive criticism. Without 100 percent dedication, you won’t be able to do this.”

“In the battle of existence, talent is the punch; tact is the clever footwork.”

“It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.”

“Life’s a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.”

“Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.”

“The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.”

“The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.”

“The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn’t been asleep.”

“The most efficient water power in the world – women’s tears.”

“The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.”

“The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.”

“The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.”

“There’s nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.”

“To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.”